An Angel Born Sleeping

Before I was ever pregnant with Evelyn, before I was even thinking about starting my own family, my Sister had started a family. She has a beautiful Daughter, my beautiful niece, Madison. She was the warmth to my days. She bought the most beautiful kind of happiness to our lives. When she fell pregnant with her second child I was most thrilled. Another piece to add to my family, another niece or nephew to love and hold and cherish with all my might. 

When they found out they were having a little boy my heart was filled with dreams of ball games and scraped knees. I dreamed of a day that we would kick a ball around the field or I would watch his first rugby game. My Sister was going to have her perfect pigeon pair, a life full of fairy dust and grubby knees. It was a delight to be able to share with her this journey throughout Motherhood, from one child, to two. I loved being able to share with her, the experience. The conversations, the dreams and aspirations, the worries and the stresses, the excitement and the joy.

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One average, normal weekend morning, Anthony and I awoke in our apartment on the beach. We wandered across the road and spent the morning basking in the sun, frolicking in the water, enjoying the last days of summer and the beauty of life. We made our way home for a bite to eat and an afternoon nap. It was a beautiful day, a day that we enjoyed each other and we enjoyed the sun. We awoke, lazily, from our slumber and made about our way with no rush or urgency to be or do a thing. I picked up my phone that had been forgotten about for the day and I found it to be full of missed calls and a message. All from my Sister. The message simply said 

"We are at the hospital, can you please come and pick up Madison".

At that moment I felt that something was just not right. Something was seriously wrong. I threw Anthony's clothes at him and found my wallet and keys and I shouted, "we have to go". All of a sudden our slow and steady weekend pace had been replaced by rush. By stress and fear. And I had no idea why I was running down those four flights of stairs with Anthony following confused and concerned behind me. I threw the keys and said you are going to have to drive. 

We got in the car and I made the call with dread in my heart and I was met with tears and heart ache. I was asked to just contact Mum and to please come get Madison. I was told to find them in the Maternity ward. I gave Anthony directions of where to go and we raced our way there. Before I was able to pick the phone up my Sister called back and she said to me, two words. Two words that I will never be able to erase from my mind. They are apart of me now. 

"He's Dead"

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In that moment, my life changed in a way that I cannot begin to describe. In that moment my Sister's life collapsed. She was four weeks away from completing her family with the birth of her boy. Four weeks. So little time and yet all the time in the world, for something to go wrong. And go wrong it so terribly did. Her boy was taken from her in the most unimaginable way. In a way that she, and I, were so unaware of. She waited her 12 weeks to reach the "safe zone". We thought that was it. We thought that from that moment, she would be blessed with her second child and me, my nephew. It was never a consideration that this may not be the ending that she will receive.

On February 9th 2010, my nephew, my Sister's son, Tyson, was born sleeping. Too great for this world, unable to take his first breath. He was created for different things, for things we cannot understand. He was made for a world, far away from ours. He blessed us with 8 months of his presence, taken all too soon. My Sister has an angel watching over her, every day. A son she cannot hold, but who holds her close. A son she cannot teach, but who guides her every day. A son that she cannot kiss, but who blesses her every step. An angel born sleeping, to guard her and protect her and wait for the day they can reunite.

~~~

My Sister is one of the strongest, most inspiring women you could ever know. To go through such pain and turmoil, such devastation and loss, but wake up each day and carry on with a smile on her face... well, its something I would just not have the strength to do. Every day she thinks of Tyson, thinks of what she has lost and thinks of what she has gained. Yet every day she carries on. 

A loss such as this is a loss that she  should not know. No Mother should have to carry their child to full term, no woman should have to birth their child and bury him three days later. No woman, ever, should have to experience such bitter sweet emotions. How to celebrate the birth of your son, but grieve his loss in the very same moment? 

My Sister is the type of woman everyone needs to know and her story, the loss of her son, is one that we should all be aware can happen, all too often. 

For more information or to donate to the stillbirth foundation please click here