Supporting & Celebrating Women

I am no artist, I am not a wordsmith. I don't have crafting skills that excel above any other and I can't follow through with a crochet or knitting project. But I do give it a go. I paint my own paintings and I draw a few black and white sketches. I still try a granny smith, here and there and I finish crafty projects every once and a while. I would absolutely love to create a business with my own two hands. Something that is built on my own skill and dedication. But, the reality is, I just don't have either of those two things.

Women who do, completely inspire me. I am in awe of these people who, while having children, dedicate their spare time to creating. I watch them with such adoration and so I made a decision this week. I am not able to create my own business, but I have created this little space on the internet. From the moment I started this blog I have always wanted to do something with it. Something that helps other people, if only in the smallest way. This week I decided to use what I have created to support other women who also create.

So I have opened up two free advertising spots on my sidebar for 'Working from Home Mums' to advertise their business, their creativity, their skills... their hands. I offered this opportunity earlier this week and was completely overwhelmed by the response and feel so honoured to have so many beautiful, creative women who read my blog every week and it has been a delight to be able to offer them something in return!

So, without further ado, let me please introduce you to the two women and their businesses who you will see just to the right of my page, over there.

Meet Qew from 'Beautiful Life Industries'
Qew is a Mum to beautiful little Olive who is only days older than Evelyn.
She has just recently opened her online store which is dedicated to sourcing products that are handmade and eco-friendly. If you follow me on facebook you would have seen a few of her items that I have shared in the past, I absolutely adore the bags and purses. She has the most beautiful range of children's clothes that are soon to be revealed and I am so very excited!

The reason why I am so thrilled to be able to support Qew and her business is because not only will I be supporting her venture, but I am able to support the craftsmanship of women in other countries. 

Please click on her button and follow it through to her facebook page.
I promise you will not be disappointed.

Meet Skye from 'Little Pearl Designs'

Skye is a stay at home mum to two beautiful young children.

In her spare time she creates the most wonderfully gorgeous hand-made room decor and accessories for children. She can custom design some items with your children's names and birth dates. Her store is full of the sweetest, most beautiful items!

I am so excited to be able to support Skye and her business venture. Her little store was exactly what I had in mind when I put the call out for stay at home working mums. She creates such pretty, beautiful pieces of art with her own hands and I am in absolute awe!

Please click her button to the right to see more examples of her beautiful work

These two wonderful women will be on my sidebar for the next 30 days, after which the positions will become available to another two women. If you have a pair of hands that create beauty I would love to hear from you at myheartisyourhome@hotmail.com

Therapy in repetitiveness

My Mum used to own three acres of land in a town called Old Bar. I spent the last two years of my life as a school student and small town girl on that land. We had just moved to Old Bar from Forster, about 30 minutes away. Which was a lifetime when you lived in Forster and everything was within 5 minutes from each other. There wasn't much to do out there for entertainment. But, the one thing I used to take so much peace from was mowing the lawns. There is something so therapeutic about a repetitive action. One blade of grass at a time, one row after another. Over and over again, all three acres worth of blades. I would get off that mower a relaxed and calmer, albeit sweatier, version of my former self.

Once I left Old Bar and that lawn mower my therapy was in limbo. No blades of grass to stare at. No roaring ride-on to sit on. No repetitive action. Until I got in the pool and I swam, lap after lap. Thinking about nothing other than that black line down the centre and my breathe. One arm over another. The splashing of two fast kicking feet. My body skimming along the surface of the water. Wall. Touch. Spin, turn. Black line and go. I would swim for what felt like eternity. One lap after another until all my thoughts and stresses were... gone. 

Then I moved again, away from a pool and close to the ocean. I found it too ironic to live by the ocean and then pay to use a pool and I was too afraid to swim the length of the beach, so swimming came to a halt. I began to run. Put myself in training to run the Sydney Marathon. I was living on my own at the time, no television and no distractions. I would be in bed by 8pm and up at 4:30 and I would run. One foot after the other, pounding the pavement. Arms swaying swiftly but softly by my side. The wind through my hair and my focus on my breathe. The throbbing sound of my body hitting the hard ground, time after time.

I then met Anthony, fell in love, fell pregnant, had a baby and life got away from me. The only repetitive action I now partake in is the changing of nappies, the washing of clothes, folding, putting away. Cleaning the kitchen, four times a day. Not so therapeutic. Not so calming and most definitely not peaceful.

I have talked about my struggles a lot over the last few months and one of those struggles as been to get myself out of the house and do something that is just for me. I have not known where to go, what to do. Being heavily pregnant with pelvic bones that feel as though they are tearing apart and falling out of my body obviously ruled out a lot of activities. I would become so overwhelmed about leaving the house and once I finally did I would sit in my car and cry because I did not know where to go, who to see or what to do. I would drive for half an hour and then I would come home.

This past week has been a particularly trialling one. I have been dealing with consistent braxton hicks which keep me awake and uncomfortable all night. Restless legs. Fatigue. Irritability. Evelyn's naughty has reached its full capacity. I am tired, drained, exhausted. I want to sleep but I cant. I cry. Every day. Over nothing. Over everything. So I decided to do something for myself, kind of. I asked Anthony to please come down to the ocean pool with me each afternoon so that I could swim. Having him with me made leaving the house a stress free experience, then he would take Evelyn off adventuring and I would have my hour of peace. Back in the water. 

It has truly saved me. Saved my mind. One arm over the other. One kicking foot after the next. Breathe in and breathe out. Up and down. The weight of my body is non existent and the pain in my pelvis, forgotten. I swim, back and forth, in the most beautiful ocean pool. The horizon in front of me and the sun setting on my back. Not focusing on a black line, but focusing on the hermit crabs, the star fish, the sea weed and the sand all swirling around each other beneath me. A whole other world, a world beneath the sea, that for just one hour a day I get to join, one lap at a time. 

Being in that water this week has changed me from a sobbing, heaving, completely inconsolable pregnant woman to a calm, peaceful and smiling girl. I have found my repetitive action once again and in doing so I have found my centre. I will not let the words of others effect me in these last few weeks, I will not allow for life to slow me down. As long as I am in that water there will be no feat I can not tackle. 

One arm after the other. 

Kick, kick, kick.

Spin and turn.

Breathe

The Bump ~ 37 Weeks

I have been convinced this entire journey that this pregnancy would be short, that I would be holding Jelly Baby much earlier than full term. So to make to it 37 weeks is almost a shock. A welcomed shock, as uncomfortable as I am, but still a shock. I honestly did not believe that I would make it to full term. But I am pleased to announce that I am now full term. Medically speaking, my baby is ready to be born, any day now.

The house has been cleaned, organised, cleaned again. My natural nesting instincts have been at work for weeks now and I am so prepared for this child to be a part of our home. To bring baby home to be placed in the bassinet. To be wrapped in muslin and to be cuddled, snuggled and loved by us all. We are all prepared to have this baby here with us. We are all ready.

Evelyn saw a newborn baby for the very first time last week and she was so fascinated. So gentle, soft and calm. She stared longingly at home, with a small smile playing with the corners of her mouth. The Mother of the baby was so accommodating, allowed Evelyn to rub that boy's toes. I just know that she is going to be wonderful, she is going to make the most beautiful big Sister and I can already feel my heart swell with pride.

It is starting to become very difficult to talk about Jelly without mentioning a he or a she. A her or a him. I am so very excited to share the news with all my loved ones. My friends and family and my community... you! I cannot wait to tell you, blue or pink... pink or blue? What do you think? I cannot wait to share the news with you.

I hope that these will be our very last photo's of this series. We normally take these photo's on a Sunday and if my heart is true to me, then I will either be in labour or I will be cuddling this very loved and anticipated baby. 

I look forward to my labour with so much excitement and joy. I cannot wait to take my body on this journey, connecting me to baby, baby to me. Listening to each other through our only form of communications, our hearts. Allowing my body to do for me exactly what I know it can do. I have a box full of labour tools ready, candles, music, motivational signs, fairy lights. From the moment labour begins our house will become one of peace and calm. 

Jelly, I have said it once and I'll say it again, I am ready for you. I want to touch you, to kiss you, love you and hold you. You will come when you are ready and I will keep you safe until then, but when you are ready you just let me know and I will listen. I will bring you into this world in the best way I know how. I am ready for this journey with you, wont you be ready for me?

Its you and me babe, together our hearts will beat

8/52

Evelyn: My princess fairy, the wild adventurer. With grubby hands and wet feet, a stick in hand and fire in your heart you explore the world. So independently but always so gently, making sure that Mummy is near by to catch you shall you fall. 

Things I never want to forget

Evelyn is forever changing. Her voice, her looks, her height, her mannerisms. Each and every day, something is different. They are amazing little beings, these toddlers. So eager to learn, so desperate to grow. I wish that I could stop time and soak it all in, I wish I could bottle up her now and keep it on my shelf forever. The days just slip by us and time disappears and some mornings I wake up and the Evelyn I knew is no longer there. I love her all the same, I love her even more, but I miss the little things, the things I will soon forget.

All the little things that I want to hold onto so tightly, the little things I never want to see her grow out. They are the things that only I can love the way I do, they are the things that most people don't see, or they correct. But I love these moments, these mannerisms, the words, the understandings that only Evelyn can have, and only she can have now. I cant bottle her now up, I cant keep it forever. Sadly, it will slip us by, just like the days and this Evelyn will be a 'remember when' Evelyn. 

So, here are a few of my favourite things about Evelyn's now, that I never want to forget.

-- Mummy is very heavily pregnant and often requires the help of Daddy to get up off the lounge, or the ground, or out of the car. You have learnt that for me to go from sitting to standing, Daddy has to pull me up and so now, when you want me to come with you, you will come and hold my hand and say 'Mama, pulllll, up, walk'. You drag me by the hand and take me to where ever you want to go. 

Every single time you "pull" me up, my heart melts. I love the way your mind understands this situation. I love that when you do this in public only you and I understand what you mean and most of all... I love the face you make as you say that very word - pull

-- Every single time I get you out of the car, without a doubt, you stand there and you wait patiently for me, with your hand in the air waiting for me to put mine in yours. You walk so gently on this earth, taking each step with such thought and caution. At this stage in your life, you need a little support to take your steps. You need your Mummy's hand. I never want that to stop. I love that you need me, that you trust that the world will always be okay, as long as your hand is in mine. I cherish these moments because I need you too. My world is always okay when your hand is in mine.

-- Once we start walking and you know that you are safe because you are with me, and I am with you. You, always, look at me with your love eyes. Every time. You look up at me with sparkling eyes, full of wanderlust, full of love and full of trust. In that moment, your eyes appear bigger than they are. In that moment, I know that you heart is swollen. Just as mine is. Swollen with happiness and love. Because you are mine and I am yours and we will forever walk this earth together.

-- If you are not holding my hand, you are holding your Daddy's hand. There is a difference between the way you walk with him, compared to how you walk with me. A difference that I will never truly understand, nor do I want to. But I can see that it is there. You walk with a different air, a confidence. As you and your Daddy walk in front of me, I always smile. I am watching one of the most beautiful bonds grow, a bond between Daddy and Daughter. He loves you, with an intensity that you and I will always be in awe of. 

-- You cherish your friendships. You are not even two years old and you hold them so close to you. You watch them with care, you care about them with love, you share with them with passion and you fight with them like siblings. You cherish all your friendships, with baby boys and baby girls, with Mummy's friends and with Daddy's friends. You are so kind and gentle and loving. Your friends love you which is so very important to me. For you to be loved, to know that you are loved. If I can control life, I would make sure that you never know neglect and rejection. 

-- Today I saw you with a baby for the very first time. You were fascinated. You loved him. You were soft and gentle and curious. I just know that you are going to make the most brilliant big Sister. I loved seeing you with that baby today and I cant wait to see you with our baby. 

-- Your smile. The way you smile with me. The way you smile at me. Everything about your smile right now. Its beautiful. Its toothy. Its cute. It is just perfect.

-- They way you say your words. There are words that I never want to forget.

Bobble ~ Bottle
Bro-ee ~ Brodie
Kite     ~ Light
Powpa ~ Powder
Ceem  ~ Cream

I may not be able to bottle your now but I can make sure I remember it. I love you and everything about you right now. I will be sad to see these moments go but with every day that slips by and each moment that slowly goes with it, there is a new day and a new moment that I love just as much.

Birth Intentions ~ Jelly's Birth

When I was pregnant with Evelyn the idea of birthing her terrified me. To my absolute core. I was not excited about the labour or the birth, it was just a means to an end. I would have nightmares and wake up in anxious sweats. Birth was scary, dangerous, painful and it was just a process I needed to get through to be able to hold my sweet baby.

So I made a decision early on in my pregnancy that I would avoid thinking about the birth and preparing for the birth. Anthony and I did not attend birthing classes, I did not do prenatal yoga, I did not read any books or articles on labour and delivery, we need not attend the maternity unit tour. I avoided the topic at all costs. The best approach for me was to pretend that it wasn't going to happen until I was in the middle of it and there was no time to lose my mind. 

It worked well for us, at the time. We turned up and I laboured for 33 hours. The only plan I had was to try and avoid having an epidural and to deliver a healthy baby. I made it to 29 hours before I fall to my knees and had my epidural and then I had a beautiful delivery of Evelyn and we were both happy with the entire experience. We both walked away saying that we enjoyed the experience, we bonded, we fell in love again and we couldn't wait to do it again.

When I fell pregnant again I decided that I wanted, nay, I needed to be prepared for this birth. I needed to be researched. I wanted this birth to be an experience that we would both look forward to with anticipation and excitement. I wanted to walk through this pregnancy not only looking forward to the moment I get to hold my baby, but to look forward to the moment that I get to connect my body to my baby and work together to deliver baby into the world. It is a journey that only Jelly and I will travel after-all. So I wanted to make it special.

That is why I chose to attend the calm birth classes. It was the best decision I have made throughout this entire pregnancy. It gave me peace and it gave me direction and it gave me confidence. I walked into that class knowing that I wanted a peaceful, calm water birth. But I was still scared and anxious about the process. I still placed a lot of power in the hands of the hospital staff. I didn't have the confidence to make this birth, my birth. 

I walked out of that class with a completely different mindset and a different view on what type of birth I would like to achieve. It gave me the confidence to make my wishes heard and to try and reach each goal on the day of labour. With Evelyn's birth, there were things that I would have liked to do differently but I didn't have the courage or confidence to make those wishes heard. So this time, I am going in with a list of birth intentions and, presuming that we have a normal and uncomplicated labour and birth, I will be fighting to reach every intention.

I feel empowered. I feel strong. I feel confident and I feel ready. This birth is important to me. If I had of attended the calm birth classes earlier on in my pregnancy I would have come home and put a plan in place to have my baby at home. But that wasn't the case. Instead I will labour at home for as long as I can. I will have flowers and candles and fairy lights. The house will be quiet and calm and serene and I will allow my body to do what it is built to do. 

Once I am at the hospital I will immerse myself in their birthing pool where I hope to deliver this baby. I want peace and quiet. I want for the first touch on the babies skin to be by myself or Anthony, no gloves of a midwife. Natural skin to skin touch. Anthony is not sure that he will have the confidence to deliver the baby at the time, so in the case that he cant, I will lift the baby to my own chest. I want our voices to be the first that Jelly hears. I do not want active delivery management, to have a midwife yelling at me to push, would stress me out. I aim for calm.

Of course, in the event that there are complications and medical intervention is required, that would be the path we have to walk. I accept that and I will not be disappointed. At the end of the labour what we want is to have a healthy baby and a healthy me. I would never stand in the way of the safety of my baby or myself. These intentions are made with the presumption that labour and delivery is normal. One thing that I learnt at calm birth that has really stayed with me is everything is good. If a caesarean is needed, that is not a failure or a disappointment, it is a rescue operation. It will save the life of me and my baby. 

Everything is good and I will accept any change of direction throughout my labour.

I look forward with excitement and joy. Not only for the moment I get to hold my baby, but for the journey we are about to embark on. I cannot wait for Anthony, Jelly and I to be connected in a way that only a birth can create. I cannot wait for the bond that we are about to form. 

I cannot wait to birth you Jelly baby

The Bump ~ 36 Weeks

I am ready. Ready for this birth, ready for this baby. My heart is aching for that first moment, the first touch, first smell. I am no longer focusing on getting through another week of pregnancy but I am dreaming of this baby being in my arms, in my home, in my life. This is no longer a pregnancy, this is a baby that will join us, and join us soon. I feel like the birth of Jelly is imminent. Days, weeks, away. It is soon, I can feel it. I can feel Jelly's presence in my heart and in my home. I am ready. So very ready.

Jelly is ready. With their head completely engaged and my uterus preparing for labouring with constant braxton hicks. Jelly is ready to be here, wants to be here. I can feel it. I can feel the connection between me and baby and I can hear baby telling me they wont be long, they are not far.

My body is ready. My mind is ready. Ready for this birth. For the blessing of being able to bring this child into the world. I feel connected, my mind to my body to my heart. I am excited, almost impatient, for the day to arrive. For me to be able to work with my baby to end this pregnancy and journey through our birth together and then begin this life.

We are ready.

Its you and me babe... this is our time!