My Heart, Your Home: December 2013   

Friday, 20 December 2013

Three, three and under

Each and every day I walk through life holding the hand of a 2.8 year old and carrying a now 9 month old on my hip. My days are busy and full. Demand seems to be much higher than supply and often I find that I cannot keep up. But, I love spending every single day with these two beautiful girls. They have been a blessing in my life and have become my two best friends. Our household is about to dramatically change. It is a change that we had not planned yet it is only 6 months away. It is a change I am having to prepare each and every person in this house of.

There have been many different emotions and reactions to announcing that I am now carrying my third child. I will be raising three children, three and under. It is going to be intense. Busy. Crazy. Full. It is daunting and a little terrifying, but, by no means, am I unhappy about this change. The main and most consistent reaction has been to say to me, "well, I just don't know if you're happy about it?" or to say, "well, how do you think you are going to cope with three then?" or in response to my mentioning that I may be feeling a little overwhelmed, "dont be so negative". Or, and this is my most hated question of all, just simply say "are you happy?".

When I first found out I was pregnant, I will be honest, I was absolutely terrified and I truly did not think that it could possibly be true. I did not think that I was strong enough or capable enough to bring another child into the world and then continue to love the child and raise the child right. For days, perhaps even weeks afterwards, I continued to be overwhelmed by the thought. I doubted everything about myself. I had convinced myself that I am not a good enough Mother to the two children I already have, how will I possibly be able to give myself to another? All these people in my life, these people who are meant to be loving and supportive friends and family, were planting seed after seed of doubt in my heart. I truly began to believe that I would not survive.

Until this one moment, when I was sitting on the couch with my Father visiting. I had Evelyn climbing all over me and I was tired and feeling very nauseous. I said, "sometimes, at this point in the afternoon, all I want is a little bit of personal space". That is when he spat how, "well, how do you think you are going to cope with three then". That was the first mention of this baby. There was no congratulations, no how are you, nothing. Just this extremely negative and unsupportive and doubting question.

In that moment I realised that I will cope better than he ever did as I wont ever be walking out on my children. I wont ever start a new family and I wont ever make them feel the way he makes me feel and that, to me, would be a parenting success. I responded to him with a simple shrug of the shoulders and said, "same way every one does" and right then I believed.

I still find myself completely daunted. I worry about how I will possibly get a defying three year old, a just-learnt-to-walk toddler and a newborn out of the car. How I will ever be able to go to medicare, or the bank, or the RTA, or shopping... ever again. I wonder how on a scorching hot day I will be able to take my children to the water to cool down. Can you get a pram that will push three children, so far (yet so close) apart in age? Will I be able to fit three seats across the backseat of my car? How can I afford this? Will I ever make it back to work?

Three children, three and under, is terrifying and I am okay with being terrified. But I have been watching Mothers of three, I have even been talking to them and asking them all the questions that keep me awake at night. It is possible, many woman have done it before me and many will continue to do it afterwards. 

I am trying to gather all the emotional support I can between now and the time of this baby's birth from my friends as I know that I am going to need them. I am trying to be as open and honest as possible as I know that I am going to need all the encouragement, the words of support, the love and the help I can possibly get my hands on. I have built such an amazing little community of friends around me in the last 3 years, they have been so kind and so loving of me and my girls and I know that they will continue to be throughout this pregnancy and the birth of this new child. I really hope that I can give them the same in return, once my world begins to slow down again.

So... to answer any questions about how I am feeling about three children so close together. I am rightly terrified. But I am extremely excited and overjoyed and blessed to be able to carry my third child. I do not take this for granted. I am thrilled that we have been so lucky and I simply cannot wait for Baby BooBoo to grace us with their presence.

Ps. Im totally convinced BooBoo is a boy!

Wednesday, 4 December 2013

Our Big News...

For weeks now I have been completely out of sorts physically. Falling asleep while parked in the car, falling asleep in waiting rooms. Catching every single bug that has passed through the northern beaches, constantly feeling nauseous and vomiting. Off food, off my normal glass of red wine.

Normally all of these "symptoms" would lead to one conclusion... But, the thing is, my head didnt conclude that because 7-8 weeks ago, when my period was one and a half months late, I had a blood test that screamed NEGATIVE.

Soon after the symptoms begun and I put it down to the side effects of the medication I have been on. So I stopped them. Because the reason I was on them was to make me feel better, not worse. Yet, the side effects continued.

Then I felt the give away sign, the twinge in my tummy and I said to Anthony I think I may be...

And so, I took a test...

Baby BooBoo
A baby brother or sister for two very excited girls
Due June 28th 2014