Over the past few weeks I have been having quite a hard time of being pregnant and that has become the running theme in my pregnancy posts. So today, I decided to sit down and take a moment to appreciate the beauty of pregnancy and try to let the hard parts fall to the side. Because the truth of it all is, that pregnancy really is a miracle, it is beautiful and joyous and all of those things that you hear people say. The hard part, when it is you that is pregnant, is remembering that pregnancy is beautiful on you too.
To me, there is nothing more beautiful than seeing a heavily pregnant woman walking the beach, street, shopping aisle, with that beautiful skin, the gorgeous hair and the little knowing smirk that they wear. The smirk that says, I am about to experience the best experience and there is nothing that can get in the way of that. When you become that your woman yourself, it is hard to see the beauty in that big round belly, it is hard to see the glow on your face that keeps breaking out, the gorgeous hair that is becoming more and more thick. But you do know you have the smirk. You know that people are looking at you. Deep down, when you push the pregnancy hormones and insecurities aside, you know. You have what most woman want. You are carrying life and that is precious and beautiful and magical. I have been trying to remind myself to forget that I am waddling, forget that I feel fat and just embrace this beautiful belly, it wont be here for much longer.
When you fall pregnant, you truly sacrifice your body. You are giving yourself completely to this child that you are yet to meet. I am ok with this. In fact, I love watching my body change to accommodate Jelly, to make sure that baby is safe and comfortable. My tummy slowly stretching, my hips slowly becoming wider and my bottom actually becomes a bottom. My boobs go up and down and I every morning I have to try and guess what size bra I will need to wear. There are so many aches and pains involved in all of this change, but when you forget about those, watching the changes every day is incredible.
I love that I don't have to care for the scales. I get on them every day and I see the number increasing. To a number that is normally unimaginable. But I smile. Because I know that this means my baby is growing and is healthy. I smile because I know that this is the only time in my life that I will be ok with weighing this much. I smile because as my numbers are going up, Anthony is fighting for his numbers to go down. I get to sit back, relax, eat and enjoy those numbers. For just a little while.
Guilt free eating. Before Evelyn was born I actually had never had a moment of feeling guilty about something I ate. It wasn't something that occurred to me. If my weight increased I would run faster, not stop eating. But once Evelyn was born, I worked extremely hard to get my body back to a size that I was happy with. In doing so, my approach changed. I changed the way I ate and the way I exercised. All of a sudden, when I ate a carbs or something rich, I felt guilty and that has stayed with me. Until now. Now, I don't care for the guilt. I eat all the foods. The good ones, the bad ones, the overindulgent ones. Because I can.
Hormones have got to be the absolute hardest part of pregnancy. The emotions. The rages. The irritation and agitation. They drive me around the bend and I can see Anthony's inner self running up the walls and slamming his head against the table at me. But, in amongst all of those outrageous emotions are some good ones. The ones that make you appreciate moments in all of their glory. The emotions that make you take a step back and truly see the beauty before you. There have been many moments where I have stepped back and watched Evelyn and I have cried. Because in that very moment I have been able to see what a beautiful life I am giving her, what a beautiful girl she is becoming. I love those emotions. I love my hormones for giving me those moments.
Pregnancy is a long and slow process and it is very easy to become overwhelmed and impatient. I know that I am both of those things. But pregnancy gives us life. It is beautiful, it is a miracle and it is so important to me to take a moment and be grateful for this. I am being given the chance to create life, my own life.
How can I not love being pregnant?
