The journey of Zalia Sky:: Part 2

When you were placed on my chest, the rest of the world slowly faded and it was just you and me for a moment. The voices faded away, the water of the bath slowly drained away, the pain was no more. It was me, holding my new born baby girl. I was utterly taken with you, absorbed in your beauty, suprised by strength. In that moment I was completely unaware of my surroundings, but acutely aware of you and me, the journey we just went on together and the life we have ahead of us. In that brief moment, everything was perfect.

I was helped to my feet and you and I walked to the bed, where I laid down and continue to soak you in. I was not yet aware of just how big you were, I was not totally aware of who was in the room. All I could focus on was you and your Daddy and how perfect our day had been. I was completely and totally in love with you, in an instant. 

After some time my bubble burst and voices of concern began to cloud my happiness. The midwives were waiting for my umbilical cord to stop pulsating so that Daddy could cut it. But after 45 minutes and no signs of it stopping they started to worry. I could hear confusion and concern in their voices. You could feel stress and anxiety in the air. You were refusing to root for a feed, showing no interest in my breasts. You were upset and cranky. I was growing more and more stressed. Daddy was looking confused. Something was quite right but I was unable to focus my attention on anyone person for long enough to work out just what was going on.

I was given the shot to speed up the delivery of the placenta. Once the placenta was delivered, I continued to bleed. The midwives having to constantly change the mess pad beneath me. The midwives started to weigh my blood loss. I looked up from trying to encourage you to feed to see jugs of my blood sitting in front of me. I became faint. At this point they began to talk about having to send me to theatre. I don't know how much time passed or how many people came through the room. I remember words such as 'too much blood loss', 'spinal block', 'blood transfusion' and 'complications' being passed around. 

The Drs came in and decided they needed to check inside to see if there was any internal "hind" tears. My legs were placed in the stirrups and I was passed the gas while the Drs did their business. I actually found this part more painful than any part of labour and delivery. It was uncomfortable, painful and scary. They were unable to find any cause to why i was still bleeding and decided that theatre was a must. 

They spoke to me about having to go under general anaesthetic. They spoke to me about possible outcomes. They spoke to me about possible procedures. I was still coming down from the gas wasn't truly able to hear or understand what they were saying but I remember feeling frightened. 

All the while I was still clutching you to my chest. I didn't want to leave you. This wasn't the way things were supposed to happen. I had a dream birth. It was calm and peaceful and relatively easy. You were here with us and you were healthy. I didn't want to be taken away from you. I began to become really upset and nervous. At this point the midwives decided it was best to remove you from me and weigh you and take you apgar scores.

You weighed 4.6kgs (10 pound 2). Wow. What a complete and utter shock that was to us all. No one had predicted that you were going to be so big. My entire pregnancy you were measuring at the average measurement. In a sense I am glad that we weren't aware of your size as I dont think I would have been able to get through your delivery if I had of known. There is a lot to be said for the power of the mind. As you were being taken off the scales and given back to your Daddy, I was being wheeled out of the room. I didn't get a chance to give you a kiss goodbye before I left. I didn't get to have a kiss from your Daddy. I was wheeled away from you both and I was terrified.

The Drs assured me that this would all be standard procedure and that, all going according to plan, I should be back with you in an hours time. I felt lost, confused, defeated and a little disappointed. I just wanted to be holding my new baby, feeding you, loving you. 

I was taken downstairs and put to sleep. Just short of two hours later I woke in recovery and was assured that the surgery went fine and that I will be back to my room in half an hour. You were born at 2:34pm. I was taken from you at 4:30 and I finally got my first cuddle with you after the whole ordeal at around 7:00pm. 

I finally had you. We were safe, all of us. It was terrifying and a challenge that I was not prepared for, but we accepted it and we got through it. As I sit here writing this story I still become upset thinking about the moment they wheeled me away from you without giving me a moment to love you and to say goodbye to you. But I didn't need to say goodbye, because I came back to you, I will always come back to you.

The cause to the bleeding in the end was as simple as "ragged membranes". A part of your amniotic sack and some placenta remained inside of me and therefore my uterus was unable to begin the process of healing. All those nasty, scary words were unnecessary.

I take great pride in our journey. It was primal and natural, I was strong and empowered. I look back to our day and I feel shocked but I feel so completely proud, of all three of us. You have given me a strength that I never knew I had and with that you have given me a new air of confidence within myself. Our day was magical, it was everything I dreamt of. You and me, we worked together, like I always said we would, to bring you into this world.

This is the story of our journey... this is just the beginning.

Read The Journey of Zalia Sky:: Part 1 here

The journey of Zalia Sky:: Part 1

It took seven months to create you, to have your little soul begin to find life within my tummy. It took me 40 weeks and two days to grow you within my tummy. For your ten little fingers and ten little toes to take their form. Then, on Wednesday the 20th of March, you began your journey towards the light. You awoke me from my sleep at 3 in the morning with a gentle nudge. You were letting me know you were ready to become apart of our world. I held you in my hands and I let you know that I was ready to help you make your journey.

The night before, I busied myself cleaning our home in preparation for what was to come. There was something telling me that this was the last time I will be going to bed without a newborn baby in my life. I instantly knew that the feelings I awoke to that morning were the feelings I had been waiting for. They were ten minutes apart which allowed me enough time to sleep in between them. After an hour or so of connecting with you through these sensations I woke up your Daddy to let him know that life was on its way. I told him to go back to sleep for now and that I would wake him if I needed him. I continued to sleep between each sensation until Evelyn woke up at 7:30.

We all got out of bed and followed our normal morning routine while I stopped every 6 or so minutes to breathe my way through each sensation. Daddy fed, dressed and prepared Evelyn for a trip to Aunty Lex's house while I focused on remaining calm and breathing. Before I knew it, Aunty Lex was here to take Evelyn and I felt panicked by the thought that I wouldn't see her again as an only child. I tried to hold her and tell her I loved her but she was excited for play time with her cousins, blew me a kiss and ran to the car. I took myself back inside and started to really focus my attention on every sensation and feeling you sent to me. 


We laboured together, you and I, for four hours in the comfort of our home. With the help of your Daddy massaging my back and offering me supportive words and encouragement. I moved freely around the house between each sensation trying to find a place that felt comfortable and safe. The sensations became faster, stronger and more intense with each and every one and before long I began to feel the desire to push. Knowing that it would not be long before you graced us with your presence we decided it was time to make our way to the hospital.

As the hospital is within walking distance, we loaded Daddy with the bags and began the walk down the road. Having to stop on the side of the road to breathe through a contraction and then moving again. We made it to the front of the lift before another sensation hit and Mummy had to pause once again. Before I knew it we were in the delivery room and the bath was filling. I used Daddy as a beam of support, resting on his shoulders and listening to his words to make my way through each sensation. At this stage, we asked that the midwives check my progress, wanting to know just how far along we have made it and how far we had to go.

After a short while I decided it was time to immerse myself in the hot water of the bath. Daddy set up the candles and the music and sat by my side, holding my hands and coaching me through my breathing. Reminding me to stay calm, to focus and to visualise myself in the ocean, floating through the pain of every sensation. Your Daddy is the most amazing man, I found myself in a state of panic at one point, truly believing I was unable to deliver you into the world, but with his encouragement and support I was able to find my centre again. I was able to believe in myself, and him, and know that before long we would be able to hold you in our arms.

The midwives asked if I would like to know how far along I was after an hour in the bath. I decided that yes, I would. But at this stage my sensations became far more intense and closer together and I felt a real desire to start pushing. To start your journey through the birth canal. I couldn't believe it was time already. I said to your Daddy that it can't be. Its only been just short of two hours. I couldn't comprehend that in two short hours I would have progressed from 4 centimetres to 10. But after more words from you Daddy, more encouragement, he helped me to trust in my body. If my body was telling me to push, then it was time to push. 

With each contraction, I began to bear down, using my body to help your body come into the world. Each time that I pushed, the intensity of the sensations would feel less and less. My need to see you emerging into the world became more and more. I became desperate, weak and tired. Begging with Daddy - "I can't, I can't... Is she coming?". The midwives suggested that they break my waters for me, knowing that this was against my birth plan. I begged them, please... anything to get her here. Once my waters broke the pushing became easier. You were no longer disappearing back into my womb but actually working your way through the canal. 

When I heard this song begin to play in the background I found within myself a strength that I never knew existed. I took a moment, put my head beneath the water, began to sing beneath my breath. I knew, that it was time, that I had to really begin to fight. My pushes became stronger, desperate to see you. I sat myself up, held Daddy's hand and held the midwives hand, put my chin to my chest and I pushed with all my might. My focus was so very strong that the song began to fade, daddy's voice was in the back ground, all I could hear was my own voice. All I wanted to hear was yours. 

You were on my chest. You were crying. I was crying. You were beautiful, big and healthy. I looked to your Daddy and I said we have a baby. And we had the most beautiful baby, with beautiful tiny little ears like your Mumma. With lips like your sister. With dark hair and dark skin. Ten little fingers and ten little toes. You were breath taking. We were breath taking. Together, you and I, you made it into the world.

I held you tight and we moved from the bath to the bed where we cuddled and soaked each other in. While I was wrapped up in all of your beauty the midwives were dashing about trying to work out why your cord was still pulsating and why I was still bleeding. It felt like only ten minutes before they were telling me that there was something wrong and that I may need to go to theatre. It was actually two hours. You were taken from my chest, yet to have your first feed and I was wheeled out of the room...

Zalia Sky

Born at 2:34, March 20th

Born to 'Brother'

10 pound 2 - 4.6kgs

53 centimetres

Birth Intentions ~ Jelly's Birth

When I was pregnant with Evelyn the idea of birthing her terrified me. To my absolute core. I was not excited about the labour or the birth, it was just a means to an end. I would have nightmares and wake up in anxious sweats. Birth was scary, dangerous, painful and it was just a process I needed to get through to be able to hold my sweet baby.

So I made a decision early on in my pregnancy that I would avoid thinking about the birth and preparing for the birth. Anthony and I did not attend birthing classes, I did not do prenatal yoga, I did not read any books or articles on labour and delivery, we need not attend the maternity unit tour. I avoided the topic at all costs. The best approach for me was to pretend that it wasn't going to happen until I was in the middle of it and there was no time to lose my mind. 

It worked well for us, at the time. We turned up and I laboured for 33 hours. The only plan I had was to try and avoid having an epidural and to deliver a healthy baby. I made it to 29 hours before I fall to my knees and had my epidural and then I had a beautiful delivery of Evelyn and we were both happy with the entire experience. We both walked away saying that we enjoyed the experience, we bonded, we fell in love again and we couldn't wait to do it again.

When I fell pregnant again I decided that I wanted, nay, I needed to be prepared for this birth. I needed to be researched. I wanted this birth to be an experience that we would both look forward to with anticipation and excitement. I wanted to walk through this pregnancy not only looking forward to the moment I get to hold my baby, but to look forward to the moment that I get to connect my body to my baby and work together to deliver baby into the world. It is a journey that only Jelly and I will travel after-all. So I wanted to make it special.

That is why I chose to attend the calm birth classes. It was the best decision I have made throughout this entire pregnancy. It gave me peace and it gave me direction and it gave me confidence. I walked into that class knowing that I wanted a peaceful, calm water birth. But I was still scared and anxious about the process. I still placed a lot of power in the hands of the hospital staff. I didn't have the confidence to make this birth, my birth. 

I walked out of that class with a completely different mindset and a different view on what type of birth I would like to achieve. It gave me the confidence to make my wishes heard and to try and reach each goal on the day of labour. With Evelyn's birth, there were things that I would have liked to do differently but I didn't have the courage or confidence to make those wishes heard. So this time, I am going in with a list of birth intentions and, presuming that we have a normal and uncomplicated labour and birth, I will be fighting to reach every intention.

I feel empowered. I feel strong. I feel confident and I feel ready. This birth is important to me. If I had of attended the calm birth classes earlier on in my pregnancy I would have come home and put a plan in place to have my baby at home. But that wasn't the case. Instead I will labour at home for as long as I can. I will have flowers and candles and fairy lights. The house will be quiet and calm and serene and I will allow my body to do what it is built to do. 

Once I am at the hospital I will immerse myself in their birthing pool where I hope to deliver this baby. I want peace and quiet. I want for the first touch on the babies skin to be by myself or Anthony, no gloves of a midwife. Natural skin to skin touch. Anthony is not sure that he will have the confidence to deliver the baby at the time, so in the case that he cant, I will lift the baby to my own chest. I want our voices to be the first that Jelly hears. I do not want active delivery management, to have a midwife yelling at me to push, would stress me out. I aim for calm.

Of course, in the event that there are complications and medical intervention is required, that would be the path we have to walk. I accept that and I will not be disappointed. At the end of the labour what we want is to have a healthy baby and a healthy me. I would never stand in the way of the safety of my baby or myself. These intentions are made with the presumption that labour and delivery is normal. One thing that I learnt at calm birth that has really stayed with me is everything is good. If a caesarean is needed, that is not a failure or a disappointment, it is a rescue operation. It will save the life of me and my baby. 

Everything is good and I will accept any change of direction throughout my labour.

I look forward with excitement and joy. Not only for the moment I get to hold my baby, but for the journey we are about to embark on. I cannot wait for Anthony, Jelly and I to be connected in a way that only a birth can create. I cannot wait for the bond that we are about to form. 

I cannot wait to birth you Jelly baby