When I wrote your two month post, you weren't actually two months. You were 6 weeks. I was tired and incredibly confused. I realised it was past the 20th of the month by some considerable time and in my sleep deprived haze, I confused what month was what. I was, by no means, wishing the time away. Those 6 weeks were long, extremely long, and I was living moment by moment with no real attention to which way was what.
You have suffered, my darling. Your first three months earth side have been hard for you, torturous and in return, have been torturous on me. There is nothing more emotionally painful than watching a teeny tiny baby in the amount of pain you have been. I love you, so much that I feel like my heart could momentarily combust and every time you looked at me with your furrowed brow and your pleading screams, I would just ache. I felt sick watching you, knowing there really was nothing I can do but hold you, sing to you and assure you that one day everything will be okay.
We seem to have found one day. We got a diagnosis for you. When I last wrote to you, we had not yet been to the Drs. But since then, we found out at that very point in time you had an awful case of oral thrush and you suffer with quite severe silent reflux. We now have you on two forms of medication, losec and zantec, and most days are good. You sleep now. You smile. You play. You are happy. We still have some bad days where the reflux is stronger than the medicines, but most days we conquer.
Since those medications you and I have been able to enjoy each other. You have been able to enjoy life. Each morning you wake up and you see my face and you gush, with the brightest most beautiful smile. You stare deep into my eyes, you look past them. When you look at me, I feel like you are looking within me, directly into the depths of my soul. You know me, you know more about me than I do and you love me, so intensely. You watch my every move, and the minute I disappear from your sight, you beg for me to come back. It is a beautiful love, the love you have for me. So raw, so intense, so dependant. And I love you right back with the same intensity. It is a tremendous, extraordinary, kind of feeling. Unbreakable.
You laughed your very first laugh only days before you three month milestone. So eager to learn and to grow before your time. Your first smile at 4 weeks and your first laugh at 11. You chuckle. A deep, groaning kind of laugh. Incredibly cute. I have been lucky enough to have caught it on camera and I watch it, over and over again. It makes my whole body smile, your incredible laugh. Your incredible being.
I loved you from the very first moment I made you. I loved you through out your entire creation. But, the moment you were put into my arms, a new love was formed. A love saved only for you, Zalia Sky. Our love. And with every passing day that love blossoms. It grows, it folds, it morphs and it doubles. Our love.
You are magical and you have filled our lives with a type of magic that we never knew before.
I love you, Dear Zali Bear
xxx
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