The Bump ~ 29 Weeks

We missed last weeks photo's... life got away from us. Christmas and New Years Eve and summer holidays has a habit of doing that to you. Before we knew it, we were at 29 weeks thinking, 'what happened to 28 weeks?'. So, today (two days late) I packed us all in the car and dragged us down to the furthest point of the peninsular, Fairlight, to a little beach that always calms my mood. Every time we have been there as a couple and now as a family, I have arrived in an agitated mood but somehow every time we have left I have felt at peace. The problem, however, is that we were so busy enjoying the walk and the scenery and the water, that what little photos we did take, are mostly blurry. Which I think is very apt for the last two weeks.

My mood has been blurry. Each day I awake hoping that I will have a new found energy to pull me through the next 11 weeks, but every day I awake to find myself just a little more exhausted. My bones are aching and are tired. My mind is blurry and weary. The third trimester really is the hardest trimester, how quickly I had forgotten. Today as we walked along the Sydney harbour I tried to explain to Anthony how I was feeling and this is all I could come up with to begin to explain it.

I feel as though I need to escape my own body. My head wants to be happy and energised and relaxed but somehow every day I am agitated, irritated and frustrated. Then those feelings, where ever they come from, begin to seep into my head. I then have an internal battle. Wanting to fight those feelings away and find the happiness. But the frustration wins out every time. I feel as though there is something I need, but I cant work out what it is. You know when you are craving something to eat but you cant quite put your finger on what it is? Or when there is a word you are thinking of, but you cant find it? Then your entire body starts to ache with... frustration, or disappointment, or anger? Something. Thats how I feel. 

Every day these holidays we have gone to the ocean and I sit on the sand I release these emotions as much as I can. I swim them away, float them away. It always helps to calm me and I am hoping that one day they will all float away for good. 

My iron levels are too low and so my energy is lacking, I am trying to increase my iron intake with red meat and veg as much as I can. Hopefully I will begin to see an increase soon. With higher iron levels I hope that my mood will also increase. 

The last two weeks have been full of family, celebrations and busy. Its amazing how quickly time flies past by at this time of year. We now only have 11 weeks to go. But if I have my way, we will go into labour early like we did with Evelyn, which means only 9 weeks. I am so ready for that day to come. 

Well...

My pregnant body is ready. But today I thought of how much life will change with the arrival of baby Jelly. Again, my thoughts travel to places such as 'how will Evelyn cope?', 'how can I better prepare her?', 'how will I cope when my attention and time has to be shared between two?'. Iso very excited for our little family to grow but I am still sadden to think about how my time will no longer be only Evelyn's and how she will no longer be my only thoughts. It scares me. Will I miss her? Will she miss her? How do I help her to understand that I still love her just the same?

Jelly, your arrival can not be any more anticipated. I will love you with every inch of my heart and you will instantly be a part of our family. Your presence will bring us all happiness and joy and although the wait for you may be confusing, I just know that once you are here, life will be normal. 

Its you and me babe, all together we will be one