My Heart, Your Home: The Bump ~ 29 Weeks   

Tuesday 1 January 2013

The Bump ~ 29 Weeks



We missed last weeks photo's... life got away from us. Christmas and New Years Eve and summer holidays has a habit of doing that to you. Before we knew it, we were at 29 weeks thinking, 'what happened to 28 weeks?'. So, today (two days late) I packed us all in the car and dragged us down to the furthest point of the peninsular, Fairlight, to a little beach that always calms my mood. Every time we have been there as a couple and now as a family, I have arrived in an agitated mood but somehow every time we have left I have felt at peace. The problem, however, is that we were so busy enjoying the walk and the scenery and the water, that what little photos we did take, are mostly blurry. Which I think is very apt for the last two weeks.

My mood has been blurry. Each day I awake hoping that I will have a new found energy to pull me through the next 11 weeks, but every day I awake to find myself just a little more exhausted. My bones are aching and are tired. My mind is blurry and weary. The third trimester really is the hardest trimester, how quickly I had forgotten. Today as we walked along the Sydney harbour I tried to explain to Anthony how I was feeling and this is all I could come up with to begin to explain it.

I feel as though I need to escape my own body. My head wants to be happy and energised and relaxed but somehow every day I am agitated, irritated and frustrated. Then those feelings, where ever they come from, begin to seep into my head. I then have an internal battle. Wanting to fight those feelings away and find the happiness. But the frustration wins out every time. I feel as though there is something I need, but I cant work out what it is. You know when you are craving something to eat but you cant quite put your finger on what it is? Or when there is a word you are thinking of, but you cant find it? Then your entire body starts to ache with... frustration, or disappointment, or anger? Something. Thats how I feel. 

Every day these holidays we have gone to the ocean and I sit on the sand I release these emotions as much as I can. I swim them away, float them away. It always helps to calm me and I am hoping that one day they will all float away for good. 

My iron levels are too low and so my energy is lacking, I am trying to increase my iron intake with red meat and veg as much as I can. Hopefully I will begin to see an increase soon. With higher iron levels I hope that my mood will also increase. 

The last two weeks have been full of family, celebrations and busy. Its amazing how quickly time flies past by at this time of year. We now only have 11 weeks to go. But if I have my way, we will go into labour early like we did with Evelyn, which means only 9 weeks. I am so ready for that day to come. 

Well...

My pregnant body is ready. But today I thought of how much life will change with the arrival of baby Jelly. Again, my thoughts travel to places such as 'how will Evelyn cope?', 'how can I better prepare her?', 'how will I cope when my attention and time has to be shared between two?'. Iso very excited for our little family to grow but I am still sadden to think about how my time will no longer be only Evelyn's and how she will no longer be my only thoughts. It scares me. Will I miss her? Will she miss her? How do I help her to understand that I still love her just the same?

Jelly, your arrival can not be any more anticipated. I will love you with every inch of my heart and you will instantly be a part of our family. Your presence will bring us all happiness and joy and although the wait for you may be confusing, I just know that once you are here, life will be normal. 

Its you and me babe, all together we will be one

14 comments:

  1. I have ofetn wondered, since having my daughter Mia, how it is that I could find enough love in me to have another baby, and how Mia would feel to go from having all of me to only half of me. But seeing friends and family with their children I'm sure we'll both figure it out.

    I hope the next 11 (9!) weeks are kind to you and that you are able to be kind to yourself and not feel too down and uncomfortable. It's so easy to forget all the crappy things about pregnancy months and even years down the track!

    Happy new Year!
    #teamIBOT

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    1. Hi Kylie!

      I am positive that it will all work out, I guess it is the unknown that makes it so hard right?

      Thank you x

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  2. I remember when I was prenant with number 2, asking a friend the same question. How on earth will there be room in my heart for another one? What changes? Nothing changes really. I didnt spend any less time with Geordie. He came and sat with us when Jax was feeding and he loved fetching me things I needed. I carried Jax around in the sling whilst I did things with Geordie as normal such as get him lunch or a favourite drink etc and he came and watched all the nappy changes and learnt some new words like yukky, gross and powder :) He was so inquisitive about his little brother and seemed to just love him from the get-go. There has never been any jealousy. When Jax was sleeping (which was a lot when they are newborn) I got out special things such as jigsaws and colouring in books that we did together and we watched a few movies when Jax was being cuddled or fed. I have lots of photos of both boys cuddling in a lot. I made sure Jax was settled in another room or hidden in the sling when it was Geordies bedtime and we just carried on with our pre-new-baby bed routine. Nothing changes I dont reckon, you just seem to have another set of arms somehow. And a bigger heart.

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    1. It seems a pretty common fear among us Mothers!
      I just need to enjoy the time we have together now and make sure once Jelly is here that she (or I) dont miss out on special times. It does scare me though
      xx

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  3. Gorgeous gorgeous photos. This time of year can be so draining can't it? Even more so when you are child growing. I hope you get the chance to get your mind and body on the same path so you don't feel so drained and pulled all the time. Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses for the following weeks, may they pass swiftly with your babe being in your arms before you know it.

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    1. I actually feel so much better today... isnt it amazing what venting can do for your mind!?
      xx

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  4. I love Fairlight, it is so beautiful. I also endorse swimming in the ocean to cleanse our minds of agitation. Hugs,
    xx

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  5. oh wht a beautiful little beach!! The scenery is gorgeous!! You look amazing and I know I panicked alot when I was pregnant with my 2nd.. it scared me.. would my daughter adjust, would I be able to cope.. and when he was born.. oh it was amazing.. they adjust well.. there are lots of 'there is a baby in mummy's tummy' books and 'My little sibling' style books to help adjust your child to having a new baby in the house...

    Happy New Year

    #teamIBOT was here :)

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    1. I think I am going to have to buy a book or two to help me to prepare her because I am just not sure how to do it on my own. I worry mostly about me missing my time with her, but I know once baby is here, it will all feel completely normal xx

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  6. I like these photos...they seem very real and like they truly captured the moment.
    I hope that your mood lifts and that your body energises and that the next 11 weeks are good ones for you!

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    1. The photos that did work out, I am very happy with.
      My mood is so much better today, isnt it amazing how much releasing those thoughts into the world can help to clear your mind?

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  7. I think all the mothers everywhere can completely relate to how you feel. I know I did, and I also know that somehow addding doesn't take away, but actually multiplies.
    And for what it's worth, you look beautiful. xx

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    1. It doesnt seem very common for Mothers to feel this way, which actually makes me feel much better!
      Thank you sweet girl x

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