I was helped to my feet and you and I walked to the bed, where I laid down and continue to soak you in. I was not yet aware of just how big you were, I was not totally aware of who was in the room. All I could focus on was you and your Daddy and how perfect our day had been. I was completely and totally in love with you, in an instant.
After some time my bubble burst and voices of concern began to cloud my happiness. The midwives were waiting for my umbilical cord to stop pulsating so that Daddy could cut it. But after 45 minutes and no signs of it stopping they started to worry. I could hear confusion and concern in their voices. You could feel stress and anxiety in the air. You were refusing to root for a feed, showing no interest in my breasts. You were upset and cranky. I was growing more and more stressed. Daddy was looking confused. Something was quite right but I was unable to focus my attention on anyone person for long enough to work out just what was going on.
I was given the shot to speed up the delivery of the placenta. Once the placenta was delivered, I continued to bleed. The midwives having to constantly change the mess pad beneath me. The midwives started to weigh my blood loss. I looked up from trying to encourage you to feed to see jugs of my blood sitting in front of me. I became faint. At this point they began to talk about having to send me to theatre. I don't know how much time passed or how many people came through the room. I remember words such as 'too much blood loss', 'spinal block', 'blood transfusion' and 'complications' being passed around.
The Drs came in and decided they needed to check inside to see if there was any internal "hind" tears. My legs were placed in the stirrups and I was passed the gas while the Drs did their business. I actually found this part more painful than any part of labour and delivery. It was uncomfortable, painful and scary. They were unable to find any cause to why i was still bleeding and decided that theatre was a must.
They spoke to me about having to go under general anaesthetic. They spoke to me about possible outcomes. They spoke to me about possible procedures. I was still coming down from the gas wasn't truly able to hear or understand what they were saying but I remember feeling frightened.
All the while I was still clutching you to my chest. I didn't want to leave you. This wasn't the way things were supposed to happen. I had a dream birth. It was calm and peaceful and relatively easy. You were here with us and you were healthy. I didn't want to be taken away from you. I began to become really upset and nervous. At this point the midwives decided it was best to remove you from me and weigh you and take you apgar scores.
You weighed 4.6kgs (10 pound 2). Wow. What a complete and utter shock that was to us all. No one had predicted that you were going to be so big. My entire pregnancy you were measuring at the average measurement. In a sense I am glad that we weren't aware of your size as I dont think I would have been able to get through your delivery if I had of known. There is a lot to be said for the power of the mind. As you were being taken off the scales and given back to your Daddy, I was being wheeled out of the room. I didn't get a chance to give you a kiss goodbye before I left. I didn't get to have a kiss from your Daddy. I was wheeled away from you both and I was terrified.
The Drs assured me that this would all be standard procedure and that, all going according to plan, I should be back with you in an hours time. I felt lost, confused, defeated and a little disappointed. I just wanted to be holding my new baby, feeding you, loving you.
I was taken downstairs and put to sleep. Just short of two hours later I woke in recovery and was assured that the surgery went fine and that I will be back to my room in half an hour. You were born at 2:34pm. I was taken from you at 4:30 and I finally got my first cuddle with you after the whole ordeal at around 7:00pm.
I finally had you. We were safe, all of us. It was terrifying and a challenge that I was not prepared for, but we accepted it and we got through it. As I sit here writing this story I still become upset thinking about the moment they wheeled me away from you without giving me a moment to love you and to say goodbye to you. But I didn't need to say goodbye, because I came back to you, I will always come back to you.
The cause to the bleeding in the end was as simple as "ragged membranes". A part of your amniotic sack and some placenta remained inside of me and therefore my uterus was unable to begin the process of healing. All those nasty, scary words were unnecessary.
I take great pride in our journey. It was primal and natural, I was strong and empowered. I look back to our day and I feel shocked but I feel so completely proud, of all three of us. You have given me a strength that I never knew I had and with that you have given me a new air of confidence within myself. Our day was magical, it was everything I dreamt of. You and me, we worked together, like I always said we would, to bring you into this world.
This is the story of our journey... this is just the beginning.
Read The Journey of Zalia Sky:: Part 1 here
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