Life's a beach...

Life by the beach, really is a beach, come summer holidays and this year there was nothing I needed more than to have a break, with my family, by the beach. The year dragged on, both Evelyn and I falling sick uncountable times, Anthony working too hard and life being just generally busy and taxing, so come December I found myself counting down the days. The days until we could stay up late and sleep in. The days until we could eat dinner in the backyard, have BBQs for lunch and breakfast for dinner. The days until we could lay the hours away on the beach, dig holes and builds castles and then swim the day away. The days until we could all cuddle in bed, at any time we liked. The days until we could just sit back and be together as a family.

Oh, I needed this Summer holiday... desperately. While some of it was tiring and exhausting, for the most part, it was exactly what a summer holiday should be. It was full of blue skies, clear water, friends, family, smiles and laughter. It was me, with my family, doing what we love best... being together. 

Evelyn grew up a lot of the holidays and I was sad to see those last teeny tiny bits of baby disappear but it just too exciting watching her grow and learn. Her vocabulary has doubled, she knows emotions and actions, she is learning colours, she can count to three, her entire learning ability sky rocketed. She hugs harder, always giving a squueze. She helps more. And most importantly, she just adored her two weeks with her Daddy. And he did, her.

A man with his Daughter is possibly the most beautiful connection I have ever seen. He loves her, in a way that I will never be able to and I guess in a way that I never want to be able to. Because that connection is theirs and I get to watch it blossom and grow. It is beautiful. She loves him, in a way that she will never love me. She has puppy dog eyes for her Daddy. Daddy is fun, he is energetic, he is big and strong, he is hers... completely. And she knows it!

My connection with Evelyn also grew over the break. She knows her Mama is a place of warmth and safety. She knows I am her comfort and her security. I am the one that knows her best, that provides her and understands her. I am the one she will turn to, always. I love being all of those things for her, I love watching her look for me in a time of need, or a time of pride. I love that she waits for me to validate her, to encourage and support her, to clap and cheer for her. I will always be here for her, to do those things, she can ALWAYS depend on me to be her comfort. 

She is our best friend. She is what makes summer holidays so highly anticipated and so enjoyable. She is the Summer, to our holidays. 

Here are a few snaps of our life by the beach this summer

Merry Christmas

In the lead up to Christmas, through out Christmas and even in the two days since Christmas I really haven't had the moment to come here and to express my gratitude to you. So today, as I sit on the balcony over looking Avoca lake, I am taking that moment. 

I have been running this blog for just over four months and in that time I have "met" some truly wonderful woman... fellow bloggers and beautiful readers. People whom I actually considered to be friends. Yes, I may not know them "in real life", but the thing is, this blog and the world that has been created from it is... my real life. 

You have supported me through my pregnancy so far and I am sure you will support through to the birth. You have celebrated my successes with me and held my hand through all of my failures. At every moment that I have needed support or a cuddle or a kind word, you have been there. When I am proud, you are proud with me. When I am uncertain, you reassure me. When I have been sad, you have made me happy. You have given me an unknown support, one that just hasn't existed in my life before you. And so you see... you are about as real as you can get. The way you make me feel, is about as real as any other feeling. 

So, from the absolute bottom of my heart, I thank you. For every kind word, for every piece of advice, for every smile and for every cuddle. I thank you for the friendships and the conversations and I thank you for every single second of the last four months... it really has meant the world to me. This place has become my home and you have become my family.

From my family to yours I wish you all the happiness and joy in the world. I will celebrate your successes with you into the new year and I will always hold your hand through your sadnesses. There are no words strong enough or elaborate enough that can even begin to explain how blown away I am by YOU... you make me strive to be more, be greater, be me... and for that, I will forever try and give you the same in return.

Merry Christmas everyone, I cant wait to start the New Year with you!
xxx

What Christmas Means to Me

Christmas is a time of year that can often be swept away by stress and pressure, responsibilities and expectations, presents and things. It is a time of year that the traditions of the holiday can become so important to keep and repeat that we forget to actually live them. It is a time when everyone's desire to have the perfect Christmas, the perfect gift and the perfect decorations can often lead to people forgetting what Christmas is truly all about.

I am one of those people, I forget. I worry so much about what I want it to be, that it comes and goes and it was not at all what I was dreaming of. Growing up, Christmas was often surrounded by sadness and disappointment. My Mum was a single Mother of three children and come Christmas time, she grieved the life that she always wanted. It was a hard time for her and I remember it being so. My Dad was surrounded by a new family whom he celebrated with each year and by the time we made it down to him, Christmas was over. Each year, Christmas was not celebrated to its full potential and I have carried those memories with me into my adulthood, finding it difficult to celebrate Christmas for what I want it to be.

Christmas to me is about love. Not only for ourselves and our families, but for the world. It is about giving, not just gifts and food, but support and thanks. Christmas is a time to be grateful for the year that has passed and to look forward to the year that is to come. It is not a time to dwell on what was not, or what could have been, relationships lost, dreams not met. It is a time to look up, look forward and to be happy. It is about giving, to those who need it more than you, wether it be your time, a smile, a friendly hand, food or a gift. It is about helping to make someone else's day a little happier than before. It is about community. 

Christmas is not just about my family, it is about all families. It is not just about my children, but about all the children. It is not just about my world and what is important to me, it is about using my world to help the worlds of others. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be able to do something at Christmas time that was for the good of others, to help those who cannot help themselves, and every year what is important to me, becomes more important. But this year, I want that to be different. 

At a time of the year where most celebrate their good fortune and each other with food and good wine, with chilled beer and cheer, there are families out there who may not be able to be together. There are children who do not have parents. There parents who cannot provide for their children. There sick people and their families praying for good health. I cannot heal the hearts of all of those people, I cannot give them what they need or pray for, I cannot change their future or their pasts. But I can help to make their day just a little bit brighter. Christmas is about giving, to others, selflessly.

This year, in the week leading up to Christmas, my family and I will be baking and creating care packages full of Christmas treats. And on Christmas morning, before we open our presents, Anthony, Evelyn and I will be heading to the hospital and we will give out small boxes of cheer to the patients on the children's and intensive care wards. 

This may not be selfless, because to give in a way such as this, lifts your spirits in a way like no other. It will not be selfless because starting this tradition this year will teach my Daughter that Christmas is not about what is beneath the tree, it is about what is within our hearts. It is definitely not selfless because the feeling that this brings to me, to be able to do something for someone else on Christmas Day, is far greater than the feeling that any food or gift could ever bring to those people. One day, I will find a way to commit a true selfless act on Christmas Day, but for this year I am just thrilled to be able to do anything at all.

Being able to do something as small as this, for unknowing people, serves as a reminder to myself (and Anthony) that the world is so much bigger than us. I need to remind myself that I lead a privileged life and it is my responsibility to use my privilege to help others. This is a reminder to myself to slow down this Christmas, to think about others, to be kind and thoughtful, to care and to share. 

The world needs more kindness...

My heartfelt thoughts go out to all of those who are in a situation less fortunate than me and especially to the families and loved ones affected by the Connecticut tragedy today