Towel Washing Day

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It was towel washing day, one of my favourite washing days. Towel washing day normally equates a late night shower with the candles burning and music playing. Late night showers means me. Only me. No interruptions, just peace to enjoy the water running down my skin and thoughts twirling in my mind. Towel washing day is one of my favourite days. I get to have a shower, on my own. Without Evelyn in the room crying for my attention. Without Evelyn at my feet in the shower playing with her toys. Towel washing day, I savour, I celebrate and I enjoy every single drop of water that falls on my body. I then step out of the shower onto the fresh bath mat and I unfold that beautifully washed towel. I get a breath of sea salt and fabric softener. My favourite smell. And then I wrap that towel around my body and I enjoy the feeling of the freshly cleaned towel. 

Towel washing day is a magical day in my house. It is a day that I truly treasure and look forward to. It is my day to take my break and enjoy all the finer things in life. I get to forget, for just a few short moments, how everything in my life is now shared with my children. My children whom I adore and love with all my heart, but whom I also enjoy a moment away from. I forget that my body is no longer mine, it is Jelly's to live off, taking every nutrient for oneself and leaving me with the bare minimum. It is Evelyn's to climb on, to sit on, to nuzzle in to, to take comfort from. I get to forget that my food is no longer mine, it is Evelyn's to eat, to throw, to play with. My drink, that is her's too. 

My jewellery is hers to play with. My sleep time, is theirs, it is for Jelly to disturb and it is for Evelyn to post pone. My bed is a cubby to play within. My toilet time is a lesson in toilet paper, flushing toilets, potty training. My pencils are hers to draw with, because Mums are more fun than crayons. My underwear is Evelyn's, to pull on and stretch and play with. My mind is theirs, full of thoughts, worries, concerns and love for both of them. My spare time is their time. Motherhood is about sharing. We share our lives and our bodies and everything in between. I love to share with my children. Mostly I enjoy it, I get to teach Evelyn while I share my life with her and I am able to watch her learn. I love to share with my children.

But on towel washing day, I get to have my very own moment. I get to have my very own newly washed and neatly folded towel. It is mine and I will not share it. If you try to take it away from me, I will bite. Because this moment is only mine and I will be selfish.

Anthony learnt this lesson, the very hard way. On this particular washing day, my late night shower was an early afternoon shower. I had to share the bathroom with Evelyn and Anthony who were taking a bath. They were quietly playing while I closed my eyes and let the water fall, I drifted off into another world, a world where I am just Jess. That was, until I was awoken by the words 

We will just use Mummy's towel

My clean, fresh air with a little sea salt dried, fabric softened, folded towel was shaken awake and wrapped around the tiny body of my Daughter and I saw her enjoy the moment. The moment that is mine. I saw her nuzzle into that towel, my towel and then I watched them walk away from me and I quietly weeped a little defeat. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that it is just a towel. A fresh towel, but just a towel. I reminded myself that I am no longer just Jess, I am Mummy and I am to share. 

I tried to wash away my frustrations but they slowly began to grow bigger and bigger. Until I turned off the water and I wrapped myself in my now damp and crumpled towel and I walked out to Anthony and I said NO, not okay! He did not understand, not even slightly. He says to me that it is just a towel and that he didn't realise something like a towel could be such a big deal.

In that moment, I realised that Daddy is never going to understand why something as small as a towel can be such a huge deal. Daddy will never understand why Mummy holds that towel and that moment so close to her heart. Was it worth having the argument? Probably not. But I pushed on through and tried to explain that there is very little left that is only mine and he just took away one of the only things Evelyn hasn't touched yet. 

Daddy didn't understand and until Daddy has to share the toilet with Evelyn and Jelly every single time he goes, Daddy won't understand. Until Daddy has to share every single meal with his children, he wont understand. Until Daddy has to share all that Mummy has to share, every day, Daddy will never have the ability to understand why something as small as a towel can be so important. 

Towel washing day is my day, it is my moment and I will continue to treasure that one moment because we Mummy's need to take what we can get.