Remember those days as a young child when you had your girlfriends sleep over, you would all huddle under your sheets and blankets, lights out, torches on, skin crawling and ready to tell ghost stories. Ready to call on the spirits through the quija board. Remember those days when your belief in all things spirits, ghosts and angels was slowly starting to dissipate and you cynicism was overtaking?
On those nights, some of us were instigators... you know, the ones who would knock something over and pretend it was a spirit in the room, the ones who would move the glass wildly around the table, the ones who were greatest at telling the stories because they were never overcome by fear. They were the instigators, they were the ones who grew up to be cynics, they were the ones who left their belief behind, lost amongst the sheets and blankets.
One those nights, there were some who were believers. They were the ones who hid beneath the sheets throughout the entirety of the ghost stories, they were the ones who were terrified to put their finger on that glass, they were the ones who jumped and screamed when their friend knocked over the table and they were the ones who cried at the responses of the quija board. They were also the ones who went home the next day and woke their family up every night for weeks because they were experiencing nightmares. They were the believers, they...were me. And I never left my belief behind. Never to be left behind at a girls night in, always to follow me through life.
I am not religious, but I most certainly am spiritual, faithful. And because of this faith, last Saturday morning I sat down at the table of one of the warmest, most kindest soul I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Her name was Sue, and she is a clairvoyant, and she changed my approach to life. She gave me direction and faith and light and hope.
Waking up that morning I felt a sudden surge of overwhelming nerves and fear - about how the reading would occur, about what she would say, about what I would say. I realised that I was not prepared for what I wanted to talk to her about, I had not acknowledged what outcome I would like to ascertain leaving. My dear friend picked me up and I talked to her about my nerves, mentioned that I did not know what to ask, what I wanted. She too had not prepared herself in this way. We walked up to the door and as my friend knocked I felt like I was hit with a wave of anxiety. Until Sue opened the door to her home, opened her mouth and opened her heart. All nerves, fear and anxiety flowed out of me and a sense of warmth and calm overcame me. I knew, in that moment, that I did not need to be prepared. I just needed to be there.
We sat at Sue's dining room table while she prepared us all a cup of tea. Her home was incredibly beautiful. A table in front of big glass doors leading out into a sun filled green and blossoming garden. The smell of lavender in the air, blue in the sky and birds whistling their tunes. As I sat down at her table I breathed out the breath I didn't realise I was holding.
Sue talked casually with us as she made our tea, talked with us as though we were old friends, I felt as an old friend would. Then she sat at the table and placed her hands on my knees with the most gentle of hands. She explained her process and I watched her eyes and listened intently. I didn't want to miss a thing. She then closed her eyes and started to breathe. I held my breath and didn't take my eyes away from hers, not once.
She began her reading my describing to me the images and symbols, numbers and letters she was shown. Throughout this description I felt confused, I was unsure what these images could possibly mean. But before long she moved on to elaborate and once she started describing to me the meaning behind the very first image I completely crumbled. I walked into her home believing, but in that moment, my belief that was just a flicker in the back of my mind became wild and unruly flames. I was completely and utterly astounded.
I moved closer and listened harder. The things she was saying about me, to me, felt as though she was in my minds eye, she was repeating my very words right to me. My inner voice, coming from the mouth of this wonderfully beautiful woman before me. I was in shock, it was truly one of the most humbling moments of my life. I do not know why it was humbling, I don't know if you will understand why I use that word, but I felt humbled... grounded. In absolute awe.
I wont delve too deeply into the things she and I spoke about because they are my words to treasure as my own and at this point in time I am not ready to share them. But there are few things I do want to share with you that she shared with me.
Sue was shown a symbol of a dish drying rack on the side of the sink, empty. The spirits showed her with this image, my fear of abandonment, my feeling of being left behind. They talked to her about how I give more of myself to others than I give to myself. They asked her to tell me to take time to myself, to nurture, love and accept myself. She talked about taking the time to stop and smell the flowers, to take my shoes off, to walk in the sun. Sue talked to me about the need for me to say No. These were all things I have spoken of, both here and to Anthony. These were all words which I have spoken. Her description of me and my personality, my attributes and my flaws, were as though she had known me my entire life.
Sue was also show an image of me sitting at a desk and writing. The spirits told her that I am on the right path, that I am doing what I should be with my "gift", with my writing. They told her that this is something that has travelled with my soul for longer than I can know. That I need to embrace this and to continue along this road. They told her I need to remain honest to myself, continue with the "no bull" approach, that this is fast tracking my soul along its divine path back to love. She said to me that I need to not worry about what it is I am saying, that I need to stop, stopping and just be honest and release my words into the universe.
These two corners of the reading were the two that really touched me. Moved me to better myself and my life. Gave me the courage to change my approach. In the last week I have taken the time every day to gaze into the horizon, to feel the sun on my face and the sand in my feet, to dream. And in doing so, it has given me the courage to find a dream. A dream to follow and to strive for. Ever since my Daughter was born I started living my life for her and I stopped living any part of it for me. With this new found clarity I have remembered that for Evelyn to have a Mother to aspire to, be inspired by, her Mother needs inspiration herself. So, even though I will never stop living for Evelyn, I will also be living for myself. Taking the time to do what makes my heart swell.
At the end of the reading Sue gave me something, a gift that I will forever cherish and remember, she leaned forward and she took me in her arms and then she just... held me. For what didn't feel like long enough, but also felt like an eternity. I cannot even begin to explain to you what that embrace did for me, but it was one of the most beautiful gestures and memorable moments I will ever have. A gift from a stranger in the form of a hug.
I cannot recommend a visit to a clairvoyant enough, but if I was going to try I would start by giving you this and I would hold your hand and I would say to you... She will change your life
I was not asked or paid to write this post, this is a story of my own experience and written in my own words.
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