The Bump ~ 12 Weeks

After my interaction with my sister's devastating loss my pregnancy with Evelyn was not as celebrated as I would have hoped it to be. Both Anthony and I approached the pregnancy with fear and apprehension and were both too afraid to accept that the pregnancy would end with a baby in our arms. We were both too afraid dream and wish and hope and bond and celebrate. This was not a conscious decision or choice for either of us, nor was it something we realised we were doing until Evelyn was placed in our arms and we both started breathing again, not aware that we had been holding our breath for the past 9 months. From the moment Evelyn was born I began to feel a pang of guilt about how I treated her pregnancy, I felt as though I had deprived both myself, and her, of a special bond created between Mother and Daughter. So I have had done everything in my power since she was born to make up for that.

When I fell pregnant for the second time, with Jelly, I discussed with Anthony that I want to make a very conscious decision to celebrate this pregnancy. To document and enjoy and embrace the beauty that is creating a new life. We talked about ways in which we could do this and we both decided the best way to do this, for both of us to be able to be involved, would be to take one day each week and celebrate the week that was. To photograph and to journal {blog} each passing week. We sat down and wrote a list of all the places we would like to photograph the growth of Jelly in, and as we live on one of the most beautiful and spectacular peninsulas of australian coast line we have decided to, each week, go to a different beach along the Northern Beaches, our home, and spend the morning being together. Me, Anthony, Evelyn and Jelly.

So this weekend, the day that we approached the "safe zone" of 12 weeks, we went to our local beach, Newport. The beach that on Friday we move away from, and say Goodbye to what has become our home over the last two years. While we were here we talked about the past 12 weeks that were....

This pregnancy has been a long awaited and welcomed gift. A gift of love, from me to him. A gift of friendship and support to our Daughter, Evelyn. A gift of life, to all three of us. We have yearned for the day to create another special child, to expand our family, to make us feel more whole. When the day finally came, I felt nothing but pure joy. With face splitting grin my world became a better and brighter place. I am fulfilling my journey. I am fulfilling my desires. I am living my dream. 

The growing of Jelly over the past 12 weeks has been nothing but blissful, breezy and a pure pleasure. An unexpected but totally welcomed change from my first pregnancy. My appetite has increased, my sleeping improved, my emotional and physical wellbeing uplifted. 12 weeks seems to have just slipped away from me and as I enter the "golden" trimester I feel excitement and anticipation. 

My pregnancy with Evelyn, I was counting away the days to have her here with me, alive and safe. This pregnancy I want to take time to enjoy and appreciate and embrace and love the pregnancy, so far, this has been delightfully easy to do. Rather than wishing the time away, I am just wishing for time - time to create a bond with the child whose face is unknown, whose smell I have not experienced, whose touch is a dream. Time to create a bond, my heart beat, to your heart beat, no interruptions and outside influences.

Its you and me Babe... The next 6 months are ours to hold with our hearts and bodies entwined in a way that only you, me and your sister can know. 

Im in love already

Things and PLaces to see - Newport
Newport Arms - The best beer garden all across the beaches, great for a Sunday afternoon down time, bistro and pizza ovens, beautiful restaurant upstairs and the most breathtaking views. Come down and have a beer!