Dear 23 Month Old You...

You became a 23 month old girl almost two weeks ago and I am embarrassed to admit that the day went by without either of us noticing that it was the day. The day that you became more Evelyn and less Mummy's baby. Our lives have been full to the brim with growing and learning, successes and failures, battles that we have lost and battles that we have won. Each day we wake up and we try to concur the day the best way we know how and then we both crash in bed in a state of pure exhaustion. Before I knew it, you were 23 months old and I had not even noticed!

I may not have noticed the date and the particular day that you reached that milestone. The month before you are two. But I have noticed, every single day, how much you grow. Intellectually, physically, mentally. Every day you are just that little bit more and every day I love you so much more than the last. When you were first born I received a message from a very old friend that I had not spoken to for years and she said to me "you will think you love her as much as you can, until you wake up tomorrow". That message has stayed with me and every morning I wake up and I know exactly what she means. 

Every time you smile my love for you grows. Every cuddle and kiss, my heart explodes. Every "mama" you speak, my heart doubles. Every time you showcase something new you learn, it backflips. I will never, ever, truly be able to express to you how it feels to have a child and to love that child. The words just do not exist. There is nothing in this world that is comparable. No one can ever truly understand the love of a Mother, until they are a Mother themselves. So for me to begin to try and describe the depth of my love to you, it would be a loss. Instead I will tell you that I love you and that one day you will understand just how big and real and strong that love really is.

The past month has been a hard one. You have been challenging and trialling, you test my patience and my kindness and yet you make me crumble into a ball of happiness, love and pride. You are stretching your independence and pushing your boundaries. You are working out what you are capable of and you are pulling away from how much you need your Mum. But in all of these moments you still hold me close, still look over your shoulder to make sure I am there. You still run to me for love, help, support and encouragement. 

You have conquered your big girl bed with such ease and grace. Every time I tuck you in at night, I walk away from you with a singing heart. Each morning that awake and I havent heard from all night, my heart sings a little bit more. I put you into that bed with great hesitation and fear. But you proved to me just how much of a big girl you really are. Your day naps are near nigh impossible since the transition, however. Your new found freedom is too distracting and you just cannot possibly miss out on a minute of life by being in bed asleep. This has been a hard transition for me, but one that I coming to accept.

Your tantrums are bigger and stronger. They are confronting and testing. But with every tantrum you throw I try to explain to myself that you are trying to work out what the world means. Why your Mum is saying no. Why she doesnt understand you. Why you dont understand me. You are only just beginning to understand the world and in doing so you have are beginning to realise that you are not the centre of the world. These lessons are hard lessons and will take some time for you to grasp and until then I need to learn patience and calmness. I need to learn to sit back and let you work it out. 

You are my best friend, baby girl. You come every where with me and you do everything with me. You are my helper, helping me to unpack the groceries, pay the lady, take the money, open the doors. You make my life brighter, lighter and happier. I have had 23 months with you by my side and I could not imagine my life being any other way. You are my light and I love you so very dearly.

I love you, Evelyn Rose x