My Heart, Your Home: The Bump ~ The Wrap Up   

Thursday, 18 April 2013

The Bump ~ The Wrap Up

I am not one of those women who love being pregnant, in fact, I find the entire process quite difficult, taxing and draining. I love watching my body grow and change and I do love my baby belly. But I do not love the feeling of it. I love knowing that I am creating life, but I do not love carrying around the weight and the feeling of the pressure on my spine, my pelvis and my legs. There is much I love, but much I loathe. I become pregnant for the final outcome, for the baby, not at all for the pregnancy. If I could avoid that part of having a baby, I would! I love the birth, more than the pregnancy.

This pregnancy, Jelly's pregnancy, was no exception. I found it extremely trying. It effected my mental wellbeing, it effected my rationality, my sleep and it effected me physically. Because of all these effects in the begun to effect my relationship and how much patience and tolerance both Anthony and I had for each other.

I suffered from severe anxiety through out the middle of my pregnancy, which I talked about quite openly. Which resulted in me seeking out the support, encouragement and gentle words of one of the kindest, most beautiful counsellors I have ever met. I saw her fortnightly up until the end of my pregnancy and will be seeing her again next week and until I feel like all of that anxiety has left my body. Which, at this point, I do feel like it has. Pregnancy really takes its toll on my mind, I am just not the same person through out a pregnancy but from the moment Jelly became Zalia, I felt like I found my mind again. The tension is no longer so great, situations dont feel so extreme and my capability and tolerance is much higher. Sue, my counsellor, really held my hand through some of my worst break downs and I will be forever grateful to her for getting me through to the end.

My body changed, grew, expanded and swelled. I just love watching how a growing baby changes your body. I loved my swelling tummy, with both my pregnancies. My body confidence is unbreakable while I am with child. I feel womanly, sexy, strong and powerful. The bigger I become, although extremely uncomfortable physically, the more comfortable I become within myself. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. While it is hard to go through and hard at the time, looking back, it is beautiful and I felt beautiful. 

While I was pregnant with Zalia I knew that I did not want this to be the last time I was ever to be pregnant. I knew that I would have to go again. But, now that Zalia is with us, I feel complete. I feel like our family is complete. Anthony and I, with our two beautiful girls. There will be a lot of to-ing and fro-ing over wether or not we will have another child. But for now... my girls are all that I need. 

I will be eternally grateful and glad that we took the time every week to capture this pregnancy and the journey our entire family went on. I will always look back on these photos and remember exactly how I felt that week, exactly how big Evelyn was and what she had achieved and learnt that week. I will always remember the size of my tummy, the size of Jelly. I will remember the conversations we had at each location. The mishaps and arguments we had to make sure we got the photos done. The love and the cuddles and the kisses we had on every other week. I will always remember the swelling hearts of Anthony, Evelyn and myself. The anticipation. The love. The impatience. The love. I will always remember the love.

This pregnancy was so truly special to me. It was a chance for me to truly embrace it, to celebrate it, to enjoy it. Where Evelyns pregnancy I was scared and worried, this pregnancy I made sure that those feelings would not overcome me. At times, they were there, always thinking about what could go wrong, always concerned that something wasn't quite right, I tried to really control my emotions. I fought to make sure that I enjoyed the moment rather than worrying about what can go wrong. 

What a wonderful change this pregnancy was. What a journey I was able to go on, with Zalia, but also with Anthony and Evelyn. It was bonding, it was beautiful and it was enjoyable.

But I am so glad it is over and Jelly is now Zalia

Goodbye baby belly, welcome baby girl

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