16 weeks pregnant and it feels like just a mere blip of time! Mostly.
Last week I talked about my two week long headache, which I have now upgraded to a migraine, as it has continued along this journey with me for the third week running. It is beginning to become extremely draining, both physically and emotionally. I have tried all alternate treatments and as many mainstream as this pregnant body is allowed and I have found myself just one day of relief. The thing about a headache migraine like this, is it because all consuming. I feel like I am living, waiting, for the haze to clear so that I can see and think clearly again.
Other than my state of head, every other part of the pregnancy is going so extremely well. No morning sickness. My energy levels feel like they have risen, although I can not exert them in fear of increasing the pain. I am sleeping mostly well. My temper and emotions have stayed in check... at least, more so than the last pregnancy. My weight gain has been more than minimal and my body confidence is soaring.
Unfortunately my desire to want to take the time to embrace and celebrate this pregnancy every week has been on pause, mostly because my focus is just on making sure I can be as present a Mama I can be for Evelyn whilst dealing with my head (I know I am really driving this headache home lately, but I just cannot see past it).
Today was a very interesting day. I needed a break from being at home and decided that family fun day at IKEA was in order. Heavens knows why, I love the product, but my God do I hate that place. I should have known it was a bad idea when we are 15 minutes away from home and Evelyn starts screaming in pain. I pull over to the side of the road and I pull her in the front to have cuddles with her Mum and Dad. Before long I worked out she was having trouble going to the toilet so Daddy gave her his magical tummy rub.
"Is that her or is there a sewerage tank near by?", I ask Anthony.
He pulls her away from him to find that not only had she finally gone to the toilet but her nappy had busted, all over his lap. All of a sudden my foul mood had passed and I was on the side of the road with a poo covered baby and a very shitty Dad (literally) in absolute hysterics!
"Its actually not funny", says Anthony.
Which, of course, makes me erupt even more! We braved IKEA anyhow, shit covered tshirt and a cranky baby. The whole trip was a total failure but completely worth the incident on the side of the road. However, I had to deal with my first public toddler tantrum. I had a very tired and very hungry baby who wouldn't sleep or eat throwing herself out of my arms in a total fit of rage. Slapping me in the face, pulling my hair. My gentle, soft, kind hearted baby was taken over by the devil... Im sure of it.
For just a brief moment I considered the thought - why I am adding to this? But before long, Evelyn was in the back of the car and she was giving me her cheeky smile and talking and singing and whistling and it became clear again. I am adding to this because my life needs more cheeky smiles, and laughter and an abundance of love. I am adding to this because as humiliating as Evelyn's toddler throwdown was, the burst of love I felt once she gave me a kiss in apology far outweighs the momentary bad moods and hard days.
Jelly, I am sure that one day you are going to throw yourself out of my arms, scream, kick and fight with me. Today I thought, just for a moment, I cant do another tantrum, from Evelyn or for you. But tonight I know, you can kick and scream all you like because at the end of that throw down you will smile and nod at me and give me a big beautiful cuddle and a kiss. Just like your Sister. And that, dear Jelly, is totally worth the melt downs.
Its you and me babe, together we fall, together we will rise again
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