The Bump ~ 20 Weeks

Last week as I sat down to write my 19 week post I felt calm and at ease. In only a weeks time, so much has changed. At 20 weeks pregnant my emotions have started to take hold, they are unravelling my every inch of sanity. Tormenting me with the knowledge that this is all hormones, but the inability to calm and control them. For the last 20 weeks I had taken pride in the fact that I was able to maintain composure and take these raging hormones within my stride. But these last few days, I have lost all composure.

I take solace in the fact that we are now halfway through this pregnancy. The first half has gone by in a flash and with any hope, the weeks will continue to roll on by. But for now, I will continue to approach each new day with a calm and relaxed attitude. I am making a considerable effort to try and eliminate most, if not all, outside negativity and influence as I am beginning to notice that I am taking on the stress of others as my own. With my inability to control my own emotions the best I can do is control the emotions of which I am exposing myself to. Im looking for my zen. 

With this in mind, I have decided that I will start ante-natal yoga next week to encourage myself to connect my body with my mind. I have missed taking that time each week to be at one with myself. To focus on my breathing and my soul. My soul misses that time and needs to be fed.

We had our 19 week scan this past week and were able to see and hear our beautiful baby Jelly again. All is as it should be and Jelly is growing perfectly. It was interesting to see that my placenta has wrapped itself around the uterine wall. It now sits on top, then thins out along the side, and bulks up again beneath baby. I worry that this may cause complications further along in the pregnancy but have been assured that it is perfectly normal.

We had the name of Jelly's gender written on a card and sealed in an envelope which now sits on our side board. Waiting for the day that we chose to look. I am still convinced that Jelly is a baby girl so I have no real desire to open the card but Anthony is itching to know. We will open the card once we have decided how we will treat the news. To keep it to ourselves or to tell it to the world?

Anthony has finally been able to feel Jelly kick and twirl. When pregnant with Evelyn it wasn't until well after 20 weeks that even I was able to feel her move so we are both so excited to be able to have the ability to bond with Jelly on a nightly basis in the way of touch. Before falling asleep each night, when Jelly is most active, we lay in bed with our hands on my tummy and we talk our final words to each other and to Jelly. Our special moment, to all be connected as one. I will forever cherish those moments.

Jelly, my bountiful and beautiful, little bump. We have become each others home. You are growing bigger each and every day and my body is growing to accommodate you. We have become a part of each other. These 9 months of knowing you, before meeting you, are so special to me. These are our months. These are our moments. This is when we form that tie, the one that connects us together, as Mother and Child, the unbreakable bond. I feel it forming. I cant wait for the day that it becomes more than a feeling. I cant wait until you become more than a feeling. Until you become a vision... my vision.

Its you and me babe, together we will see the world