When I was studying at University I met a boy. He was outrageous and funny. He was gentle and caring. He was a little bit wild and a lot of free. He was everything, that I also was. We were instantly friends, from the very first day. We laughed together, we played together, we drank and partied together and we talked. Oh my could we talk! We were rapidly becoming best friends. But, as our world would have it, we confused that friendship for something a little bit more. Because a girl and a boy cannot be friends without it being sexual. So we explored that avenue. For just over three years.
In our small relationship of three years we walked each other through some of life's greatest lessons and adventures. We grew together. From a boy and a girl, to a man and a woman. He was my rock, my constant and my stable, in the years where I was discovery myself. He helped me shape and mould me. He never influenced or pushed, he supported and encouraged. We went to University together and we left University together. We moved overseas and worked together, we created a life and a home in place where we had no roots. We moved back to Australia together and we moved in together. We watched my Step Dad die together and we grieved together. We were for each other, what everyone in this world deserves to have. He was my person and I was his.
One day we realised that throughout all of those three years together, we were never boyfriend and girlfriend together, as hard as we might have tried. We were each other's person. We were each other's best friend. But we not each others soul friend. We are created for each other. We are built to hold each other's hands through life's triumphs and through life's sorrow's. We are built to applaud each others successes and to support each others failures. We are made for each other. To sit on the sideline of each others lives and cheer each on. No more involved than that and no less involved. We were created to be each other's best friend.
The fact that we have dated in the past and the fact that he is male while I am female is completely irrelevant. The world is full of two sexes and at no point was a law ever created that said a man can only date a woman and a woman only a man. Nor did it ever state a woman can only befriend another woman and a man, a man. There is no law against my friendship and yet I am judged for having such a friendship. I am misunderstood. I am talked about and stories are created. All because, somewhere along the way, we have blurred the definitions of relationships and friendships. Somewhere along the way we have confused ourselves into believing that when a man talks to a woman then the man wants to the bed the woman. Furthermore, we have confused ourselves into believing that if a man wants to bed a woman, then the woman will remove her knickers and take his hand.
I tell my story of my friendship with my best friend because I think that we need to be reminded of this beautiful little word - plutonic. It is not a fantasy or a myth. It is a real life word, with a real life definition and it does actually exist, in more friendships than just mine. I tell my story about my friendship because I want Evelyn to know no bounds. I want her to understand that a man and a woman can be friends. I want her to not discriminate against a certain sex when it comes to friendships, or relationships. I will teach her that you love the soul, not the body. In telling this story, I hope to remind others of this fact too.
At the beginning of this year I flew to Singapore to spend a weekend with my Best Friend who now lives there, instead of here. I flew over on my own. I stayed in his home. We went out drinking and celebrating together. We ate at restaurants and saw the tourist attractions. When I arrived he gave me a big fat hug and when I left I gave him a teary hug. I miss him dearly. I love him fiercely. Of course, this caused uproar in the minds and hearts of my friends. Of Anthony's friends and even of Aaron's friends. Because, for me to spend a weekend with Aaron, we must be having an affair.
When I went to Singapore for that weekend, it was the first time I had left Evelyn for longer than just 24 hours. It was a huge decision to make, one of the hardest I have had made and yet one of the most rewarding and necessary. The truth is, I was struggling with myself and finding meaning to my new life as a Mummy. I felt like I had lost my direction when Evelyn was born. My dreams and my goals became her. I love that. But it was a difficult process to accept. So I needed some time to regather my thoughts and understand where my life was taking me.
When I was at the airport to leave Sydney I started receiving emails and messages. Asking me how could I leave my Daughter and my partner to stay with another man. Asking me who this other man was. Asking all sorts of questions which instilled a greater level of guilt within me. Guilt that really was not necessary and questions that really were not appropriate, nor were the answers of anyone's business. But, people's minds are curious and judgemental by nature. So I answered those questions and I carried that guilt with me through the entire trip.
Then I came home and I felt almost betrayed by the implications behind those questions. By the thoughts that those people were quite obviously having. By the distrust they had placed within me. The truth is, there was no affair. My best friend and I have been there once before, when we had our relationship, and it didn't work. The sexual connection that once existed, died months before the relationship died. It was our friendship that made us last the three years and it was our friendship that survived the death of the relationship. We have not once, since the moment we said our Goodbyes, ever had a moment of regret, a moment of wonder. We are friends, best friends and there really is nothing more to it.
The funny thing about all those assumptions and judgements made about me and what I was doing to Anthony and Evelyn and my family was that it was Anthony who suggested I go. Not only did he suggest it, it was Anthony who booked the tickets. And then it was Anthony who used his frequent flyers to pay for those tickets. Because, Anthony trusts me. Because he knows what I know and which is that we belong together in a way that we belong with no other. Which is that our love is strong and unbreakable and based on honesty and trust. From the moment I met Anthony, I had told him of Aaron. I had told him that my friendship with Aaron is one of the most important to me. I told him that I would not give that up. In that conversation, Anthony knew. He knew that it was no more and no less than a best friendship, one to cherish and embrace and nurture.
The further along in my relationship I get with Anthony the more amazed I am by him and his tolerance and understanding and acceptance. It takes a real man to be ok with this sort of friendship. It takes a man of confidence and a man of honesty to be able to never question the boundaries of this friendship. Anthony, is one of the most applaudable men I will ever know. He is the most supportive boyfriend that could ever exist. He has not once ever questioned me and my decision to maintain this friendship. He has encouraged it. He cherishes it. He embraces and he nurtures it.
Anthony and Aaron have become friends. They share a beer together. They cook for each other. They talk of sports, family, politics and beliefs. Aaron stays on our lounge, he hugs our Daughter. He hugs me. He shakes Anthony's hand and then we all wait patiently until the next time Aaron can be here to do it all again.
My Best Friend, Aaron, is the best friend you can ever have. It does not matter that he is not a woman. It does not matter that we have a past. It does not matter because what matters is that he is here and he celebrates my life with me. He cheers my successes, he nurtures my falls and he encourages my dreams. What matters is that he is here and that we are friends. There isnt, any more.
