The Bump ~ 26 Weeks

This last week has been a roller coaster ride, of health and of emotions, and I am finding it very difficult to sit down here today and write any words. In fact, I have been finding it difficult to write for several days now. But I do not want to miss a week in this little series, for the sake of Jelly and the day that I give these writings to them to be read. 

The week started out fine but it progressively became more and more stressful and I became more and more emotional. I have felt like my time has been torn between the people I love and I don't have much left of it for myself. I am finding it difficult to find the strength to say no to invites and requests and have been heading out of the house more often than I would like to do things that I don't so much want to. My mind is busy, my body is aching and all I really want to do is spend my days at home preparing for Christmas or at the beach enjoying the sunshine (which seems to be on hold for the meantime).

Come December, I try to have all of my Christmas shopping done so that I can spend the month firstly, by enjoying by birthday, and then secondly, by preparing for Christmas. With christmas crafting and baking, tree trimming and wrapping. I have done all of my shopping this year but I am still finding that my time is not free to do with as I please. 

My Birthday has been and gone and my mind was so busy that my emotions were out of control and unbearable. I found myself to be upset and not enjoying my weekend at all. Then, come the end of the weekend, I come down with a gastro bug. It was as though my body and the universe were telling me, enough is enough. Stay home, look after yourself and be gentle. So that is what I have done. I have been at home. I have moved slowly. I started my Christmas wrapping and written my shopping list and I am trying to reset my emotions and my mind. There are two weeks to go until Christmas and I want to take these next two weeks slowly. I want them to be about me and my family.

On Monday night, Anthony and I worried that I was in labour and I found myself in the hospital for a few hours being monitored. This gastro has really taken its toll on my body and on Jelly. My whole tummy was tensing and I was in horrible pain but according to the machine these were not contractions, just bad tummy pains. My mind raced about having a baby at 26 weeks old, the survival rate, the dangers, the risks. I was terrified and it has taken me a few days to be able to regather myself and find the strength to believe that everything is ok. 

I still do not have the words to be able to write this post as I would have liked but we are now closing in on another week and before I know it would be 27 weeks so I just had to get something out. I did not have the time to take photos this week as on the day I normally would do so, I was being monitored. 

So, Jelly, I give you this. A stressed and emotional dribble of words. I apologise that it isnt more but know that it is what it is because I love you and the thought of losing you or bringing you into the world before your time, introducing you to pain, freaks me out. It is unimaginable. So bear with me. Next week, I will be calm again. But for now, I am just a Mama worried about her baby... about you. My baby.

Its you and me babe... together we will conquer all