The Bump ~ 27 Weeks

Last week was a very emotional week, as my mind was full of fears that Jelly would be born way before their time. Ever since that day, I have been focusing my time on moving past that and accepting that we are safe, well and healthy. But in reality, I still fear that something is going to go wrong. I have this constant niggling thought at the back of mind that makes me think we are not going to make it to full term. I cant explain why or how I have come to feel this way but the thought is there and it is very real.

Tomorrow we have a check up with the midwives and I will be expressing my concerns to her. Hopefully hearing Jelly's heart beat and seeing that my vitals are well will reassure me, if only for another four weeks. I also receive the results of my glucose test tomorrow, this time around I am very nervous about this test and the results. 

This week, Anthony and I have been trying to come up with a list of names for Jelly but I am finding it increasingly difficult. He does not have much to suggest and crosses off the small amount of names that I am considering rather quickly. It would not be suprising if Jelly was born and nameless for a few days before we were able to settle on something that suits. My anxiety doesnt cope with this thought too well, but my heart is ok with it. Because I know that once I see Jelly's little face, I will know exactly what they should be named.

I have been thinking a lot about our coming labour over the last few days also. Who will take care of my baby, while I bring my new baby into the world. How we will settle our new baby into our current life, my Evelyn bonding with her new baby brother or sister. How long the labour will last, how long to stay in hospital afterwards. The emotional roller coaster that follows the birth of a child, the breast feeding journey. The sleeping, or lack of, once we are home. There are so many thoughts running through my mind, so much excitement, some concern and worry, a little fear. 

It has been a busy week for me, full of a lot of thoughts. I have been trying to prepare myself in the best way for the day that we are to welcome this baby of mine into our lives. But, there is only so much preparation you can do, the rest will just fall into place. I need to keep reminding myself of that.

Jelly, I cant wait to meet you but please prove me wrong and stay in there until the very end. You need all the time you can get in there to be able to tackle this world and this life with full strength and speed. I want you to have the best possible life you can have and in order for you to have that, we need to nourish your growth. My heart needs to beat next to yours, for just a little while longer. 

Its you and me babe, in such a short time, your hand will forever be in mine