My Heart, Your Home: Have a baby when you want to   

Friday, 28 December 2012

Have a baby when you want to

Today I was walking through a homeware store and I found a little book that was full of small things that a Father wanted to say to his children, things that he wished that someone had told him 20 odd years ago. It had many little sayings such as don't roll your eyes or never get a tattoo before you are 30. But there was one little saying, that was aimed at his Daughter, that really made an impact on me. 

It simply says... have a baby when you want to.

I was 23 years old when I fell pregnant with Evelyn and I was so totally ready to be a Mum. My body ached to have a child, I wanted it. My partner was 38 years old when I fell pregnant. Yes, that means we have a 15 year age gap between us. But that has never been an issue between he and I. It has never even been a second thought. Our souls were made to be together. His soul, however, had a journey that needed to be followed before my soul found its way to earth. Our age difference, 15 years, does not mean anything to our relationship or our lives. Our souls know no age, they know each other and they know that they are where they are meant to be, with each other.

Lately I have been feeling a lot of heat from people outside of our relationship. I feel as though my age is an issue, it is an issue for our relationship and my ability to Mother my child. I am treated like I am immature. Like all my decisions are made without research or thought, made on a whim. Each decision I do make is under fire, it is picked apart and analysed. Suggestions are made, are pushed, always looking for something that I haven't already thought of so that these people can feel as though they have been able to prove that I am in-fact incapable. 

I was 14 years old when I fell pregnant for the first time, I was 15 when I made a decision on my own to abort that pregnancy. I was 23 years old when I fell pregnant with Evelyn. I was 24 when Evelyn was born. I was 25 when I fell pregnant with Jelly, after having a miscarriage and I will be 26 years old when Jelly is born. I am old enough to fall pregnant and make a decision about what I want to do with that pregnancy, I am old enough to bring a child into the world and I am old enough to care for that child.

I have raised a perfect, happy, well behaved almost two year old daughter. I have taught her how to walk, how to talk, how to sleep well and how to eat right. I have taught her about right and wrong, please and thank you. I have raised her. Making decisions, on my own, the whole way along. I have given her a good life and I will continue to. I love her, I care for her, I protect her and I make sure that she is happy. I do that. All on my own. Without any direction, influence or advice. It is something that comes naturally to me, because... I am her Mother. And I was born to be a Mother, and I am a really good Mother!

My age, wether it is young in anyones eyes, is completely irrelevant to my ability to be a Mother to my children, or my ability to be a partner to Anthony. My age, is a number. Just like any other number. I may only have lived this life for 26 years but I have seen and experienced things that some 50 years never had, as they have experienced and seen things that I havent yet. I am a good person, I am loyal, I am honest and I am brave. I am committed and dedicated, I am proud of who I am and the Mother I have become. 

My ability to parent my own children should never be under fire or critiqued as I am my biggest critic. I will not make a rash decision in regards to my Daughter. I do not knee jerk. I read, I ask for advice, I research, I compare. I ensure that I armed with all the knowledge that I need to be able to make the right choice for my children. 

Have a baby when you want to. Because when you want to, is when you will be ready to. Have a baby when you want to, because it is no choice for anyone else to make. Have a baby when you want to, because you are the parent and you know best. Do not let anyone else make you feel incompetent. Do not let anyone else make you feel like you are less than you are. I am learning that the thoughts and opinions of these outsiders are of no importance to me. What is important is that I do what I need to do to be the best damn Mum I can possibly be! 

And so... At 26 years old I will have my second child... because I want to and because I am good at it!

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  1. loved reading this Jess.
    I can sympathise with you.
    I had my first child at 21 and because i look so young there were many a stares and judgmental comments.
    I'm 28 and just had my third and still i get strange looks hehe.
    much love babe xxx
    p.s love seeing your posts on instragram. Miss E is divine.

    1. Ugh! People who think they have the right to comment on your choices just really irk me!
      Young Mum or Old Mum... we are all Mothers and we should all support each other
      Thank you love xx

  2. Another beautiful post Jess.

    When I had my first I felt judged too it really upset me for the first six months or so and I would do things differently when in font of others but then I realised that I just had to do things my own way and forget the others.

    You will be a wonderful mama to two babes xx

    1. Its amazing how much power they have on you isnt it! Mostly, I dont let the critics phase me but there are certain people that it comes from that I just dont have the strength to block it out and I too, change the way I parent around them. To the point that I actually begin to feel like I dont have the right to parent! Ridiculous!

      Thank you sweet girl... I cant wait to be a Mum to two xx

  3. I hope you can forget the judgement (easier said than done!), and focus on all the love you have created with your little family. You're doing an amazing job Jess xx

    1. Now that we are home it is far easier to move forward and get back to life xx

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  5. What a GREAT post!
    I too am a 'young mum' and constantly feel judged or my opinions disregarded.
    25 with 3 children in 3 years, This is the way my husband and I CHOSE it to be.
    Especially during 'group' situations, like my original mothers group, or at KindyFunctions, I feel the heat of piercing eyes, whispers, judgement. On the occasion that the other mothers do engage me, there is very little said, and I feel dismissed and unimportant.
    Happy and Healthy babies are the best indicator for a happy home, not the numbers associated with them.

    1. They is such a good point Jess, we too, CHOSE this life and we love it.
      I love being a young mum and it was a decision of mine that I made with great thought! Other peoples opinions just really shouldnt bother us, but they always do dont they!?

  6. i was 29 when my daughter was born and felt like that was young as most of themothers around me were well into their 30's. I'll be 34 when this one is born (due to difficulties) but i don't think that 5 years has given me extra mothering power or knowledge other than actually being a mum. Its strange people think age equates to doesn't.
    A mum is a mum whether shes 16 or 36 and we all love our kids and do the best we can : )