My Heart, Your Home: At the risk of sounding melodramatic...   

Monday 24 September 2012

At the risk of sounding melodramatic...








The year 2011 was an ordinary year for us.

On New Years Eve I wished upon the first star I saw, I made a resolution and at midnight my hopes were that the year 2012 would be better. Much like most of us do, I wanted to build on the year that was, learn from lessons made, laugh more, live greater, love harder, make more friends, lose weight, save money, learn to bake, clean more, be more organised and just have a year without dramas. A year without loss, without financial concerns, without illness, without pain. The year that we all strive for. The year that, come December, we all start to plan and map out.

The year 2012 has been even less than ordinary. 

It has had many great moments to it, we had a trip to Bali, we finally fell pregnant, we have moved into a family home that we adore. But the day to day drone has been less than enjoyable. At the risk of sounding pessimistic and melodramatic let me tell you a little bit about our life since March this year.

We had the most beautiful family holiday in Bali to celebrate Anthony's 40th birthday, celebrate being a family and to just enjoy being together as us. It was some of the most fantastic 15 days that we have had together. We walked onto the plane to make our travels home, ready to concur the world with fresh and rested minds. We were to take a further week holiday in our favourite little fishing town, Hat Head, with our favourite friends. We arrived home in Sydney at 7am on a Saturday morning and we drove the 5 hour drive to Hat Head that afternoon. On the drive up I was overcome with the most intense pain in my upper back, I whinged to Anthony that the minute I get back in the car, that awful pain comes back. We made it safely to Hat Head and we put ourselves to bed. At 1am that morning I was woken by that pain, it was intense, it was relentless, it was nauseating, it was faint inducing. After an hour or two I found relief by laying on my back and pushing down. The pain stopped. For five minutes. Then it transferred to my abdomen. And it was worse, so much worse. I found myself crawling to the bathroom, vomiting and losing consciousness on the way. The pain didn't go away until 6am that morning. 

I went about my daily business trying to forget the night that was. Until 1am the next morning, it started again. And again, the next night. Until on day four Anthony and I rushed ourselves to the nearest hospital. On my holiday. An hour and a half away. I was admitted. I was stuck with needles. I was doped up on morphine. I was given an ultrasound. Then I was given some news that I could barely believe. My gallbladder is two, thirds full of gall stones. At age 25. I was discharged with orders and well wishes.

I went back to my holiday and I suffered each and every night in silence. Then when we went home I saw my Dr, who referred me to a specialist, but not before telling me to press pause on our baby making plans. Great. So I took myself off to see the specialist and was told there was only one option. To have the entire organ removed. I was booked in for surgery for a weeks time. 

Only, two days later, I ended up in the ER with a temperature of 41 degrees that I could not control with any amount of panadol. I had come down with full blown influenza. I had that temperature for 5 days. Panadol and nurofen would drop it to the lowest of 39. I was in agony. Surgery was delayed and I spent thee weeks trying to get myself better. All the while, having to still look after my 1 year old baby on my own. The hardest part of being a Mother sometimes, is not being able to crawl into bed and sleep your illness away. So I agonised through 5 days of the highest damn temperature I have ever experienced, while still putting on a smile for Evelyn.

Three weeks later, I was admitted to hospital and I had my first surgery (that my adult mind can remember). I dressed up in my OR night gown and cap, my super spunky stockings and slippers. I was wheeled through the hospital in a bed and straight into an operation room. With scrub nurses and surgical doctors and the man with the gas mask. Then I had an organ removed. Through my belly button, of all places. And that still freaks me out to this day.

I had an adverse reaction to the anaesthetic so I spent an extra night laid flat on my back and unable to get myself to the bathroom. Then I came home and Anthony went back to work. And I just had to get on with it. Four scars on my belly, a groggy mind, a sore body and a toddler to handle. Three days later I was to start my first day at work. Awesome for recovery time.

Once I recovered from surgery, I came down with Gastro. Badly. Then I came down with a cold. And I recovered, only to be hit by another cold. Since then I have had three more colds. All the while, I had a house to run, I had weekly house inspections to clean for, I had a child to look after (who fell sick just as often as I) and all I wanted to do was just crawl in between my bed sheets and curl up in a ball and wait this whole thing out.

But, that is not the life of a Mother. That is not the life of a Mother who has no support. You suck it up, you keep breathing, you suffer in silence and you just get on with it. Throughout these 6 months of illness I also lost my relationship with my Mother, my Aunty passed away, my best friends still remain overseas, the one girlfriend I thought I could rely and depend on was neither reliable or dependable and I really felt the sting of loneliness. 

This year, has been a year of illness and as the last traces of Winter fade and spring has begun to bring the warmth I am just praying and hoping and wishing that this is the last of our sickly, sniffly, snotty 2012 and now the fun times can begin.

We deserve it! Hell, if WE don't then I definitely do!

14 comments:

  1. After the year you've had, I think you're allowed to be melodramatic! x

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    1. It definitely feels better having a great old whinge about it!
      Sometimes there is nothing more uplifting than hosting your own pity party!
      xxx

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  2. Oh Jess!!! I'm praying the next months and years bring health and happiness. If you ever want to meet up let me know! Xxx

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    1. Thank you!

      I too am praying for the same thing, I need a break from this year!
      xx

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  3. I know it might not count because I can't help you physically but you've always got my virtual support love. Vent away, it's healthy xx

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    1. That is so kind, I love my virtual world, you are all such a great support
      xx

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  4. Ah stuff it, a good whinge never hurt any one (in fact, it can cleanse and make one feel better for getting it off their chest!). I'm sure next year will be much better, I hope it will be.
    P.S - Bali is like our second home!

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    1. Next year as got to be better... I cant see how it could get any worse!
      Oh I love Bali, I have only been twice but we were already organising going back before we ever left!
      It is the most lovely place
      xx

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  5. What a horrific year!

    I think 2013 is going to be YOUR year Jess, I can feel it in my waters.

    P.S that photo in Bali, it just makes me want to finally organise the honeymoon Dave & I never took (with Max).

    Could you possibly (by any chance), & only if you have time, e-mail me the deets?

    Raisingmastermax@gmail.com

    So much love to you sweet lady,

    We are all here cheering for you (if only virtually),

    x

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    1. Of course I can honey, my lunch is just about ready so I will shoot you an email after that.

      It was the most wonderful time and the best thing we could have done for our family and I would be more than happy to share the experience with you

      Thank you for the thoughts and kind words
      xx

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  6. Quite a horrible year indeed. I can't imagine dealing with all that sickness while looking after a toddler. I get one bad sinus infection and I'm ready to crawl under my bed and hide.

    Hope the year gets better from here on in. x

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    1. Those beds are just the only place you want to be when sick hug! Sometimes i wish i still had a mum who made everything right for me when my head hurts!

      But we do what we have to do. Next yer has got to be better! Winter - be gone!
      X

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  7. It doesn't matter where overseas friends are kiddo. We are always there for you no matter what. I'm always just a phone call, a smile and chat on skype, or a goofy text message away waiting for the next visit with your awesome family when I'm there. AJ x

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    1. I know... Im just being a big sook.
      Wish you would just come home though!
      xx

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