The Bump ~ 23 Weeks

We have been doing photos at a different location across the beaches for 11 weeks now. It has become a weekly routine that while I get dressed and become increasingly more upset at how little clothes I own that actually fit me, Anthony gets Evelyn dressed in something completely daggy. I come out in an outfit that will suffice for another week and I roll my eyes at Evelyn and march her back in her room and dress her again. While I do this and my hair and makeup, Anthony will pack some snacks and the camera. Then we will be on our way out the door. Evelyn see's the camera now and becomes excited, knowing that she is going to spend the next 2-3 hours exploring a new local beach and walking up and down with her Mama, while Daddy follows close behind. I love these days the most. I love this precious time that we are spending together as a family of three. Time spent to relish in each others company. Time spent to embrace each other and celebrate all that we are now and all that we are yet to become. 

So this week, when we were not able to make our location shoot I felt a little disappointed. Like we were missing something. But for this week, my sanity comes first and the thought of walking up and down a beach while my insides felt like they were about to drop out of me is just not my idea of fun. 

Pregnancy is hard. When I was pregnant with Evelyn I had morning sickness for the whole 9 months, that lasted all day. I had carpel tunnel and I had sciatica. But that pregnancy was a breeze. I never truly felt pregnant. Evelyn was always laying in the right way that I never felt her in my nether region. Sex was overly enjoyable. In fact I was aching for it, to the point that it hurt. Walking, other than the sciatica, was no real problem. Getting in and out of bed was simple. It was easy. And I would give anything to have that pregnancy again this time. But this time, this time it is so hard and I finally understand all the complaints that I never understood.

Sex is not fun! Are you kidding me with that right now? My entire vagina feels and looks swollen and I swear Jelly's foot could be right there. Don't come near me right now. Don't even so much as glance at me. Because sex is off the cards Mister!

I am walking like I am 40 weeks pregnant. There is nothing graceful about this pregnant body. I walk with my hands supporting my lower back because it might just cave in at any given moment and I waddle. I waddle because with every single step I take I feel like my body is going to be torn in half from my vagina up. Last night was so bad after just two measly steps that I stood frozen in the middle of the lounge room for ten minutes, too afraid to move an inch. I was on the verge of asking Anthony to carry me to bed, until I manned up and made a run for it. 

Speaking of bed, I cant get out of the damn thing. I have to roll my legs out and the heave myself upwards and don't even get me started on getting out of the car! I am only 23 weeks pregnant. How am I going to survive the next 17 WEEKS?

I am starting to gain weight, a lot. Unfortunately for me, when I begin to gain weight it goes into my face and I absolutely hate looking at my face when it begins to blow out. So my body confidence that was so strong last week is beginning to falter. 

Whoever said pregnancy was beautiful and graceful and joyous was a liar! Or never been pregnant. Or maybe even a man! This, is none of those things. This is hard. And unattractive. And a little bit funny to watch. Because the truth is, I probably had the exact same complaints about my pregnancy with Evelyn, but after the deed was done and I was holding that beautiful girl in my arms I began to miss the pregnancy a little bit. With every day that passed, I wanted to be pregnant again. I know it. Anthony knows it and you probably know it too. That once this pregnancy is over, I will forget all the bad and remember the good and begin to crave a third time round! 

Because, truth be told, although it is hard and uncomfortable and tiring, it truly is amazing... isn't it? I mean, only 9 months and then I get this bountiful beautiful baby? This whole new life that was created by the fibres of the one I love and myself. A whole person that is completely ours, to mould and shape and teach. It really is incredible and it really is worth all of this. Once it is over. 

Jelly, you are tearing my body apart, quite literally. But I will give you my body and I will give you my heart just to get you here with us. Take all that you need because once you are here, I will have all that I need. We cannot wait to create new family routines to celebrate being a family a four. We cannot wait for you. But we will... just 17 more weeks baby, then I get to see your precious face. Be still, we will be together soon.

Its you and me babe, I will fight my way through the pain just to hold your hand