Dear 19 Month Old You...

Evelyn is only 19 months old today, but in the month just past it feels like she has grown a year.
Right before my very eyes I have watched my baby girl become a little person, full of personality and strength. As each day passes I am watching her become more independent and capable. I am watching her become more and more like her Mama ~ head strong and stubborn.

These last few weeks have been a battle of the wits, her pushing her boundaries and limits resulting in me trying to find new ones. Each day over the past three or four weeks we have fought with each other for her to sleep, day and night. We have struggled through meal time, breakfast, lunch and dinner. We have wrestled, me, her and the car seat. It has been exhausting and chaotic. But it has been challenging and exhilarating. With each battle we fight, lose or win, I learn just how very able she is. 

I have learnt that she knows more than I have ever given her credit for. I have learnt that in her wee 19 month old body, she has the most incredible strength. I have learnt that what I have always been told was shyness, truly is nothing other than her making a decision ~ to trust or to distrust. I have learnt the power of her screams, to crumble me into tears, but also the magic of her laughter, to cure any bad mood. I have learnt that I can and will continue to be mad with her, but that my love and adoration for her will absolutely, never fade or waver. 

Evelyn has always be weary of new people, especially of men. But in this last month I have watched her open her heart to many of the men I trust to be in my life. I have watched her adopt my closest friends as her own. I have watched her bond form and strengthen with her little friends. She no longer stands to the wayside, but rather, she initiates conversations and cuddles. She takes people by the hand and walks them on an adventure, just the two of them, leaving my side and making her own way in life. Making her own decisions.

The tantrums are intense but the cuddles and kisses are twice as strong. The screaming is impossible but her words and communication skills are beyond belief. Her ability to make herself heard and understand is indescribable. Her vocabulary is growing every day and I cannot believe I ever doubted that she would learn words.

She is a girl of routine and process. No longer allowing anyone to do said routines but having to do them herself. Each day starts with throwing all of her bed buddies out of the cot and walking them out to the lounge room for the day. She then goes to the cupboard and chooses a bowl and passes me the milk. After breakfast she places her dishes in the dishwasher and washes her hands and wipes her face. Each time we arrive home, she takes the keys and locks the car, unlocks the house, closes the door and puts the keys in the bowl. She wants to be grown up. She wants to do for herself. She wants to do as her Mama does. 

Life as a Mama to a 19 month old independent, head strong Evelyn who refuses to sleep is the most exhausting thing I have ever done, but it is the most challenging and the most rewarding. I read something earlier today that said, something along these lines, you will not remember the nights that you slept. And I believe that! As tiring as the days and nights have been, we have made some of the most amazing memories and experienced places and things that we other wise wouldn't have had the time to do.

Evelyn, before this last month, I never could have imagined myself becoming stroppy with you. But in the last month you have pushed me to extremes, both good and bad and for every moment that I felt stroppy with you there were bigger, better moments where my love for you exploded and just doubled in size... again and again. You are becoming a young girl. My young girl. I get to watch you grow and develop. I am blessed to watch you find your feet on this world. I am blessed to have the chance to experience your life by your side. You are my best friend, my shadow. I cannot imagine my life any other way and I truly could not choose a better best friend! You are everything to me, you show me the way, you give me strength and inspiration, you encourage me to find the light and beauty in every situation. You remind to smile more and laugh louder. You make me play more. You make life so much... greater, than I ever could have known it could be. 

You are a true beauty, a true star and I get to spend every single day with you!
How lucky I am!

I love you, forever my baby girl
xx

**Photo's taken by a beautiful woman named Jo**