My Heart, Your Home: Why marriage has become so important to me   

Tuesday 13 November 2012

Why marriage has become so important to me



Marriage has never seemed to stand for much in my life. I see, or hear, of people standing before the people they love and trust, declaring their undying love for each other, promising to love and support each other until "death do us part" and yet, 10 years, 20 or 30 years later, they are walking away from each other. Not because death did they part, but because their undying love, had died. Because they believed they had nothing left, they tried all they could to make it work but it just didn't work. Or, like in most cases I have been witness to, the man fell in love with another woman. I come from a line of broken families, forgotten vows and broken promises. I do not know what a successful marriage looks like, I do not know how a Mum and a Dad are supposed to work together. I have only ever seen them work against each other. 

Marriage, forever, promises, undying love... those sentiments were always meaningless to me.

I grew up to not believe in marriage, at the hand of my own teachings. I never wanted to put myself in the situation where I could be promised the world, where I put my faith, my future, in the hands of a man. My experience was that once you put your future in the hands of that man, they just took it away from you. They tore your world down around you. They promise you love, support, a life, a family and a home. Until one day, when they meet someone else and that promise is broken, forgotten. You are forgotten and therefore broken. They have the power to give you security and then to take it all away from you and leave you with nothing. Nothing but children to care for and no home to live in, while they go and make family somewhere else, without you and without your children. It happened to my Mum. It happened to her Mum. I feared marriage and love. 

I despised having a promise made to me, for fear of it being broken. To make a promise to someone, in my eyes, is a guarantee. An absolute. An unbreakable bond. Yet, throughout my life I have had many promises made and broken. How can you say those words so freely, so loosely? I hold so much importance to those words, to the point of it being unrealistic. Promises can be made and they can be broken, life sometimes gets in the way. But in my life, I am not sure I have ever had a promise kept. I don't want to hear someone make me a promise. I don't want to feel the break. Of the promise, or of my heart.

But then one fateful night, I met a man. A man that I truly believe was delivered to me by the good fortune of my guardian angels. A man that I was made to meet and he was made to change me. Change my life and my beliefs. And he has, so very much so that marriage is now something that I crave. Something that I need. Something that is just so truly important to me that my heart aches for the day that I get the chance to stand before the ones I love and trust, declaring my undying love for Anthony. My heart aches to make a promise, whispered between our souls, that I will forever carry his heart in the warmth of my own. A promise, etched into my being, that he is made for me and I am made for him. A promise, shared between two people, that no one will ever understand, no one will ever know just how very sincere those words will be, just how very unbreakable my promise to him will be. 

Anthony has never promised me the world. He has never promised much. I have never had to hear that dreaded word. That may not sound sweet and romantic to you, but for me, I will eternally be grateful. Because in his lack of verbal words, my heart hears his heart. There is an unspoken bond, a promise between two bodies, that we will always keep each other warm at night. A knowingness, that although he does not speak the promise, he feels it. A belief, in him. A trust, that he will not tear my world down. And a faith, that I can believe it all.

I have so much to learn, about a man and a woman sharing their lives together, raising a family together. There was no man raising my family. I am forever teaching myself to share, to trust, to allow and nurture his role in my life and in the life of my children. But, I want to learn those lesson's.

Because I want to keep my promise.


 

20 comments:

  1. Beautiful post - popping over from Team IBOT x

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  2. this is beautiful - i love that you are growing and learning on your journey together. it sounds like he takes wonderful care of you xx


    #teamIBOT

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    1. Its not all love and harmony... we fight as much as we love but it has been a wonderful journey and I love him for making me see that not all men are heart breakers and that some are worth trusting xx

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  3. This is truly beautiful. My husband has come from a family of broken marriages and our own marriage is definitely something we fight for.

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    1. When all you know is broken families it makes it that little more special to have.
      I hope that you both fight for it until the very end
      xx

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  4. I love this. I appreciate posts that celebrate relationships. There is just oo much negativity in this world surrounding marriage. A great read today. Thanks.

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    1. I just hope that people can learn the true meaning of marriage and not treat it so flippantly.
      Thanks xx

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  5. Beautiful. I am the child of a broken marriage and have suffered through one myself. I thank my lucky stars every day that I got a second chance to really know what the true commitment of marriage is. Just Beautiful. xxx

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    1. I thank your lucky stars too Lisa!
      Everyone deserves their true love and to feel loved
      xx

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  6. Gorgeous words. I felt the same way until I met my (now) husband 10 years ago. After what I'd seen of marriage I wanted to no part of it. Then I met Dave and he changed my world!

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    1. Ten years! Congratulations
      I am so pleased to hear that you met the man who changed your views xx

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  7. I love this in so many ways. You guys are such a gorgeous couple and Ive gotta feeling the history of forgotten vows and broken promises has been wiped clean by you guys. xx

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